Upstream

It's blustery and snowy outside right now. I'm amazed that in March, we're still experiencing winter!

I finished up some more ACEOs for the open auction tomorrow on the artist collective on Facebook:

While fine, I'm finding they're a diversion. I'm not deriving the kind of satisfaction from them that I need. As I said in my previous post, I need to get back to what makes me fulfilled in the studio, and those are the big pieces with stories in them. Things going on that make you want to stop and stay awhile to figure it out.

I know this more than ever now, because when I look at my paintings and what I'm proud of, I feel a lot more from some than others. I know that's natural, but it's deeper than that. So, back to the big paintings! And allowing myself peace that I simply work slow. It is what it is.

My queen of hearts is on my easel once again:

I wanted to share this. It's not a before and after. This is a picture in normal light on the left, and a spotlight on the right. This is what adding iridescent paint to my work does. I wanted a sort of undercurrent of fierce power coming from the queen, and these highlights accomplish that. Light isn't usually spotlighted onto a painting like this, so instead it's much more subtle throughout the day as lighting conditions change. It gives a sort of living quality to my pieces, and it certainly does what I want it to for the queen. I probably need to do small videos so people can really see what my paintings do, it's so hard to capture it in a simple photo.

These are some of the iridescent paints I use (I have a whole slew of them). They are not opaque, for the most part. They seem, like they would be, but then they sort of spread out more like a glaze.

I have no updates to share about my potential move. This ups my stress level considerably, because I feel like I'm losing time. If it's really a yes, then the amount of work I have to do simply to get this house ready for the market is overwhelming. The less time I have to do it in, the more panic that is likely to ensue, and it's making me nervous! If they really would like him to start this new position in late June... well, it's late March now! Eeek!

I think the hardest part isn't even all of that though. No, the hardest part is that I'm a pessimist. You see, now that I actually want to move, I think the odds go higher that something will happen and we won't. If it had been something I was dead set against, it would happen without question. It's still a move where I am jumping off into the unknown, not having been to the place at all... but I'm so unhappy here, that I figure it's got to be an improvement!

So, we're still here without a 100% solid answer. My husband feels it's a done deal, but as more time passes my gut instincts think something is up. Now, to be fair... whatever life throws at you (minus tragedy) tends to be what should happen. What I mean by that is that nothing has ever been taken away or happened that wasn't for the better, as if it was sort of meant to be. Do I believe in fate? No, not really. It's just the way things have worked out. Perhaps, it's us making the best of whatever situation we are thrown, but sometimes it just feels like something more.

It happened when we purchased our first house. It was a booming market in 1998, and houses were being snapped up within hours of being on the market. The prices were rising daily. Every time we had enough saved up, the prices would jump and we wouldn't have enough of a down payment. Every house we tried to bid on went under contract before we could send our bid in (sometimes just by minutes!) We were so depressed.

I was pregnant, and ill most of the time so I was unable to work, and I finally decided I had to get out of the house. I took a pottery class, because I've always enjoyed throwing. There, at the class, the woman next to me mentioned she was going to be selling her house. We weren't very well off, so I said I'd like to hear about it - sure that it was out of my reach. Instead, the house was perfect, right in our reach, and located exactly where we wanted. Through that chance meeting, we put her house under contract before it went to market and thus purchased our very first house. It was a better house than the others we had been bidding on, in a better neighborhood, and closer to my mother. All things we couldn't find in one place that sort of fell into our lap. It was easy!

My mother is a big fan of saying "Whatever is meant to be, will be" and "If you find yourself fighting so much, that you know you're trying to swim upstream? You need to ask yourself if you're doing the right thing. Yes, the things you want, you have to fight for. However, some times you find you're fighting TOO HARD, and there is a reason; it's not the right thing for you."

Yes, my mother is Yoda.

Anyhow, she's usually right. Those thoughts bear out over and over. Whatever is meant to be will happen, and it'll be what's best for us as long as I am paying attention and making good choices. We may not get what we always want, but maybe we weren't supposed to have it anyway. Maybe it was the wrong thing for us, and letting it go was best.

So, this is me trying to be Zen. Not fighting, but hoping for the change we need.

I happen to suck at being Zen, though. I should probably go for another run.

Time-Out

I've been working steadily on my Secret Garden painting, and I'm down to just painting in the unicorn and some fireflies:

One would think this would be simple to finish off, but it's actually not. I'm having issues with the unicorn's mane, and I think it's probably my attitude, and not the painting itself. I had to put myself into time-out today. I had to make myself walk away instead of making myself finish the piece.

I've been having trouble focusing for a while now, because things are kind of getting wild here at home. In addition to not having a single week without a child home sick in over a month, I'm facing a potential move to North Carolina. But nothing is set. So, it's a maybe. A HUGE maybe, but a maybe nonetheless. I have no control over the outcome (a job position was offered, we said yes, but as it's a position within the current company there are a lot of hoops and other things that have to be settled, and so many things could happen to make this NOT happen.) Having no control over my own path makes me a bit grumpy.

I've played with the realtor-thing, looking at houses online, but deep down I know this is a colossal waste of my time if this doesn't pan out. Plus, if this does happen, I'll have a short period of time to figure out our situation here with our current house, a VERY large to-do list, of which I can do none of because I don't know if it's happening. I have this urgency to get things rolling one way or another, and I'm completely hog-tied instead.

It's very frustrating having no control or influence, and simply being at the whim of others. I thought throwing myself into my work would help, but it hasn't, and instead I'm finding myself increasingly distracted and frustrated (even angry) and that does not yield positive results. So, for my time, I really only have a few more ACEOs and the in progress piece above to show. A disappointing yield, to be sure.

There was another, but I completely ruined it. *head*desk*

I also haven't been hammering at my Queen of Hearts, for fear I'll ruin her in my current state. Unfortunately, this coming week looks to be just as stressful, so I'm not sure where things will end up.

I need a vacation. Or maybe just a direction. That would sure be lovely!

Little Progress

I'm ready for Spring, is anyone else?

I had a few hiccups in getting my Daily Art exercise up and running. It seemed like the moment I announced it, it became almost impossible to do. It was just life interfering, but it was annoying nonetheless!

Still, I have a few pieces completed for it:

"Moongazer" ACEO (2.5x3.5 inches) acrylic on illustration board. Started out with a cat meeting the dragon, but the cat and I had a disagreement, and he was turned into a moon.

"Little Light" ACEO (2.5 x 3.5 inches) watercolor and acrylic on cold pressed paper.

"Old Man Tree" ACEO acrylic on cardstock

One of the things I realize I need to do is to let go of the idea that every daily art piece has to be a perfect and complete piece. Some of them can be sketches! They don't have to be so heavy handed with every "i" dotted, so to speak! In other words, I seriously need to loosen up. That's why I'm not giving up on my daily art idea. I need it. I need it to get things moving with the work and to loosen up my grip on my art. I need to play! I've said it before, and it's still true!

I've also found now that ACEOs are funny when it comes to posting online, because people think they're a little sloppier than normal when the picture is blown up - not realizing that the actual painting is much smaller than the picture they're looking at. It's hard to paint that tiny!

Of course, this is also why you shouldn't make prints available that are bigger than the original work, but a lot of people don't realize that. On that tangent, it's one of those things that makes me consider working in the digital world as well. With those images, you can increase the size of the print, so long as you have done the work on a very detailed level. It allows for a lot more latitude in prints as well as merchandise. Something I've been thinking a lot about! For my birthday, I received a waccom pen for my iPad that is supposed to have around 240 different pressure measurements and so on, to make drawing on the digital art programs better. I've only played with it a little, but I have to say I miss actual paint... so I've wandered back to my easel instead (and now I have guilt for not using the gift, so I have to go back and try again every evening, just to put in my time on it. Maybe something will click and it'll all be worth it!)

In other news, a group I am participating with on facebook has the theme "Secret Garden" running, and it's made me dig out the painting from last year that I lost interest in:

I don't know why I lost interest in it to start with, because I actually like it and always have. So, I'm working on completing that right now, along with my morning daily art exercises, and I have my queen of hearts right next to it as well (I figure if I'm going to be painting a lot of "dress" on this fairy in the garden, I'll be in a good clothing groove to work on the queen's gown at the same time!)

And... as you might notice from the picture, I'm still at my kitchen table. I didn't get my studio organized. The more I considered options for the room, the more I realized I'd be causing myself even more grief. If I brought in shelves, I would lose drying space, etc.

I need a new house. That's all there is to it! *wink*

Art Exercise

I really think  I have Art ADD. Or more, maybe I'm over-saturated on ideas and things to do. I have been continuing with the ACEOs:

"Swing" Acrylic on black illustration board, ACEO Available on my site for purchase

But then I knew it was finally time to get my Queen of Hearts moving along. So, I finally started sketching her out on a 16x20 canvas:

Now, she's only part of the canvas. That is just a close-up. I'm planning another flamingo at her feet, and the white rabbit peaking from behind her skirts, and I think some playing cards here and there along with a sculpted garden behind her... or perhaps her castle in the distance? I'm not entirely sure about the background yet, and it's holding me up (I also need to fix her bodice so it's more accurate in the proportions. I free hand everything onto the canvas, so it's an organic work in progress.) I'm pleased with her face. Regal and scary at the same time, which I like better than the frumpy version you tend to see of her. I mean, there has to be a reason she ended up in charge and stayed that way, right?

Anyway, so that is in progress and then my fine art magnets finally arrived from the printer:

They're actually more vibrant in person, I should have tweaked the photo a bit, but I was very excited!

I'm selling the big magnets (about the size of a postcard) for $5, (and the little ones for $3, but only in person.) Right now, I'm offering a free little one with the purchase of any four big ones in my Etsy shop. 

Socrates checking out the small magnet of the painting he modeled for. He approves!

Eventually I'll get them up on my main website, but I have figured out that it's probably time for an overhaul and integration of a new shop system on my main website... but I don't have time for that right now. So, Etsy, it is.

And then I found out that there are art auction groups on Facebook! I had no idea, and I'm honestly not sure how I even found them, but find them I did! I joined, unsure of what to expect, and I have actually made some sales! (And bought quite a few items as well, the talent there is stellar.) Here is the link to the first group, and here is the link to the second. Neither one has anything up for auction yet, but they both will open on the 5th with their themed auctions. The first link has non-specific auctions every week as well minus the one themed per month. I know of several artists who blog and visit me who really ought to check them out, and consider putting up some of their work. (The current theme of Bizarre and Surreal is more unusual for them. My fantasy work fits in just fine, so keep an eye on the sites and consider joining me maybe?)

The only downside (if you can call it that) is that I now have all sorts of prompts and reasons to work on smaller works and create things, and I want to very much!!! But... well, remember how I was bothered because I am a slow painter? I'm still a slow painter.

However, this has gotten me a bit more excited about working on these smaller pieces and perhaps trying to pick up the pace. Maybe my normal big paintings will still take months, but perhaps I can gain a little more confidence in my speed by working on these. Like art-workouts. Exercise for my paint brush!

Anyway, I've waited until the last minute, but I'm going to try and knock some pieces out for both. The theme for the monthly group is Moon Goddess. Boy, is that a topic I have covered well in my paintings! But I want to make some new ones too. So, we'll see how it goes.

Additionally, by digging into all of this, I've realized there are some things in my style that I would like to change, in particular the faces of my subjects. I haven't figured out how I want to do eyes yet, and the noses I keep going back and forth on too. Well, it's given me reason to start messing with my sketchbook and making things that will never be sold simply because I'm trying to figure out what feels right. It's been an incredibly long time since I have done that!

Minus us still working on the kitchen, that's all that's been happening. Just crazy art, summer, house project busy! I hope you are all well!

We had just gotten the tiles up in this photo, if you remember from a few posts back the pictures with the old then the new counter, you'll be able to see how much this helps the kitchen look better! We grouted last night, but we're still not done. We're going to get copper outlet covers and hardware for the cabinets to fancy them up. Who knew a kitchen would take so much work?!

Coming Together

I'm finally coming around the bend from the ACEOs. I'm enjoying working on these little guys, I'm going to continue with aiming for one a day, but I'm starting to get the itch to get my Queen of Hearts finally going. I'm mad at myself that I'm so out of my groove, but I'm trying to forgive myself a little bit considering the upheaval we've been constantly experiencing with our schedules and everything else.

I spent this morning at the printers, actually a new printer. I'm hoping that this will be the start of a good relationship, because if so I'll be able to offer all sorts of things (like cards) that people have been requesting for a long time, in addition to a slew of new prints. I was nervous this morning though, because they seemed to not be in a very good mood. I get so nervous meeting a new set of people. I used to be so social, and now... not so much. (The worst part is that I want to meet new people, but I'm hindered on many levels from my own anxieties to the culture here which is decidedly antisocial. Not that I expect anything from a business relationship, but even then it's hard.)

I received my paint-pens finally (Gelly Roll) and I think their idea of opaque and mine are two different things. Their straight opaque colors were thin and see through as watercolors, which makes me wonder what their non-opaque inks look like... do they even show up? The only ones that were actually opaque were the iridescent/metallic ones I also ordered (was there any doubt I would snap up the shiny, sparkly ones?) Now those I really liked! I did a peacock on black to try them out:

"Night Peacock" original ACEO on black illustration board

I like how it came out, but I think I yearn for a finer tip on these pens, and I rather miss the bit of blending I get to do with a brush. So, I'm a bit on the fence about them. I think I'll probably be happier hybridizing the two together (paint it out, and use the metallic pens to give it a snap!)

I also found the most adorable miniature frames (maybe they're so cute to me only because they're so small?) The frames themselves are the size of an ACEO and come with their own matting, so I had to draw out an even smaller space (1.5 x 2.5") to paint. It took a bit of thinking about what I should paint, but I decided on another cottage high on its own hill:

See how tiny this thing is?

"On Top" Mini-painting, framed, watercolor on watercolor paper.

I have other ACEOs in progress, and I really want to paint several more moons. I think I need to get them out of my system (if that's even possible.) But then, if things settle, I think I'm ready to start in on my Queen of Hearts. I have my model, I have the basics in mind. I think it's time to just make it happen.

I've been thinking over my female faces and I realize I really need to start sketching more. I think I got out of practice with faces since I didn't really do ANY last year at all. I'm rusty! I'm going to try to work more on that and see if I can't get things to snap back together once more!

On the kitchen front, we have some tiles picked out for the backsplash, and hopefully it'll help it all come together. I think I'm slowly accepting that I have slightly purple counters. I love purple, I just never imagined it on my kitchen counters! I hope everyone is doing well!

A Little Structure

I think I've finally got the hang of the ACEOs. Last night, the one I finished just flowed:

"The Gift" available in my shop

This one is my new favorite! I'm going to do a slew of moons. I've always been enamored with the moon, and it's just calling to me right now.

And that's where I'm going to settle things for the moment. I have decided to make it a goal to do an ACEO original per day. So, I'm going to be posting a new one every morning on my Facebook Art Page! I think that even though I seem to be unable to work on the bigger projects right now, at least I'll be able to complete these. I need that sense of accomplishment right now, while everything is so wild.

Speaking of wild, we had new kitchen counters installed yesterday... and they're the wrong color. Oh, they're what we ordered, but folks, these things are pastel PURPLE. They were not that color in the store. I'm very sensitive to color, as you would expect. But apparently "some variations" can happen, and ambient light can make all the difference.

So now, I'm left with a really nice counter that is really the wrong color, and trying to figure out how to make that look nice. It's heartbreaking waiting almost a decade to invest in a really nice counter, and instead of it being the thing that makes everything nicer in your kitchen, it's the thing that screws everything up. I was literally in tears last night. And the worst thing is that purple is actually my favorite color... but not like this!

before we ripped out the old laminate counter

No counter, actually looks better than before...

Purple Counters.

It doesn't quite come through the picture how pastel they are. I just wanted a nice, classy kind of kitchen. *sigh* We're going to change the curtains, and do a tiled backsplash, and whatever else we can to make it actually look like a nice kitchen, but deep down I'm devastated that I somehow screwed this up. If we need to sell the house, we want people to walk in and actually like the kitchen, not think "Wow, I have to rip out everything..." We saved up for that counter, it wasn't cheap, and it was a mistake. That hurts. A lot.

I know, I know. First world problems. But it still was really upsetting. It also made that much more work to get the kitchen to look nice. What do you think about changing the cabinet doors to a wood color that matches the floor? So they're sort of two-toned cabinets?

Gah. I don't know. I can't believe I made this stupid, expensive mistake.

I need to go work on a little ACEO and try to forget it, but it makes me ill every time I walk into the kitchen. This might work for my diet, however...

Teeny Tiny

Working on those ACEOs was exactly what I needed to do. Once my brain clicked in with working on such a small scale, I was finally able to move forward. Finishing these ACEOs is giving me what I need right now, which is the idea that I am capable of finishing something in the middle of this tornado that is Summer Break!

These are the ones I that finished, and they're up in my website shop ($18 each, including shipping):

Moonshroom

Lights On

Forest Cottage

Cottage

3 Mushrooms

I just had to include the two I took with the mini-easel! I plan on offering these easels for sale at my art booths for the two events I've signed up for. I could do it online too, but I don't know if people would really be interested. Personally, I just love playing with the little things!

I'm still learning about working with ACEOs, and I haven't quite figured out everything I want to. I went with pencils on one, a little bit of watercolors here and there, and then acrylic. I also decided that I like them enough that I ordered some pens and liners to see if I can't tighten up some of the detail work I'd like to add.

My hope is that experimenting with all of this will lead to new things on my bigger works. I've long wondered about using liners, and never have actually done so. Any outlining type of elements you have ever seen in any of my work has been done solely with a paintbrush (and a fair amount of cussing, in some cases.) I also ordered a white pen, which for some reason was always forbidden in my mind (a holdover from those traditional watercolor purist professors I had, I think.) All in all, I'm excited about where this might take me.

Also, it is a relief to get something done while I feel like everything is inside out and backwards. I just feel like I can't focus! I have so much to do that it's overwhelming. It's so bad, I thought about packing up my entire studio and giving up. Like, REALLY giving up. I have tons of thoughts bombard me frequently with things like "You're not good enough. What about being a mom 24/7 like you should? Shouldn't you be out there making this summer something for them to remember? What about the other projects you're supposed to get done? Commitments  appointments, and oh hey, clean clothes would be nice. How's that laundry coming?"

As artists, we all have these nasty little voices run through our head from time to time. The reality is there will always be someone better than you out there, but they will never actually BE YOU. I'm holding tight to that, and trying to ignore the voices that tell me this is all a waste of my time and that I should be doing something productive. Art is a part of me, it's not even a choice. It's just a huge part of who I am, and packing that up, even if I'm not good enough, would be a mistake. I did that once, for several years. It was not healthy for me.

So, I'm here. In a whirlwind, with things flying in every direction, feeling like my head is going to explode and a big part of me waffling between wanting to cry with the covers pulled up over my head, and another part wanting to stomp my feet and get some sort of order restored (neither of which are actually options.)

For now, I'm just going to focus on my tiny paintings. That will hopefully be enough for now!

Little Things

I've still been struggling with getting myself to my paints. The truth is that when your household is turned upside down for summer break, there may be no recovery until school starts once again. However, I do have some positive art-news to report!

Someone suggested ACEOs to me a while ago. I bought some packs on my last major supply order, and they've just sat in a corner of my studio. I admit, I haven't been sure what to do with them. They're so small! I've worked small before, but not that small. And I don't think I have all the supplies I need (for example, I need a good white pen - I need specific suggestions? I've never used one, but I realize now that working so small it would be a boon to have! Help?)

After all these weeks of no productivity, last night I had finally had enough. If I couldn't do a painting the size of a business card, I was in real trouble. Time to make something, anything, happen. I went into my studio and grabbed my stack of blank ACEOs and then stared at them. Now what?

I sketched out a few:

I have fairy cottages on my brain a little bit, along with a few other things...

And then I noticed the black ones that were there too. When I grabbed my paints I also grabbed my pencils. I then went toward the black pieces rather than the white. I had this image of something with a glow, but it didn't quite come through. I still like the results, but I'm chasing something now.

I like how the pencils work on some levels, but I'm unaccustomed to the rough sort of quality they naturally lend a piece. I think it's why I went to paint, I'm attracted to a smoother finish for my own work, even if I appreciate it the rough quality in other's.

So, I switched to my acrylics. I tried for the glow too, but I'm not quite nailing it. I'm starting to wonder if pastels wouldn't be the right thing. I used to get an excellent glow with those, long ago. I think I still have my boxes of chalk pastels in my studio somewhere...

Still, the paint came out better. More vibrant, although I may try crossing the two a bit and see what happens then...

I realize that I love the black background, but I only have a few black pieces left! I also realized that these ACEOs are not necessarily something I have to buy. I have a ton of matting board that I bought when I was matting my own prints. All sorts of colors, and frankly? It seems to be the same kind of stuff these ACEOs are made out of. So, I figure I can make my own for a while.

I'm finally painting again! YAY! More, it'll be good to have some of these smaller paintings to sell which are at a much lower price point than a bigger painting would be. I'm trying to see what folks sell them for, and account for my costs (I looked into eBay, as a lot of folks sell on there. When  did they switch to taking 10% of your sale, and that doesn't even include the payment processing? WOW! Ouch! I think I'm sticking with either Etsy or my own Website for these.)

I figure I'll put them up for sale in a day or two, when I have a bunch to offer. I'm excited that I actually started and finished something. It's been so long! Hopefully I'll get things rolling again and get the bigger paintings finished too. I had been wanting to finish the unicorn and fairy painting so I would have that as a print offering for an upcoming show, but I'm starting to run out of time.

Anyway, I painted something! Yay!