Tugging

Progress is a tricky thing. I find that no matter how well prepared I am to make it, it doesn't necessarily mean that I'll make any.  These past two weeks, I really thought I'd be getting on track with all sorts of things. Instead, life reared its head and I found myself thrown into an almost constant state of flux. This is a very unproductive thing for me.

Family issues meant that I was constantly where I didn't want to be, and constantly at odds with my art when I was there with it. My life was basically tug-o-war this week, and I was the rope. I found myself in situations where I didn't like myself very much. I failed at many things. Even the silver linings were tarnished.

This feels bad. Feeling badly and creating happy art... well, that just doesn't happen.

I managed to squeeze out some progress on what I've been working on. I started the time lapse of the two small watercolors:

I also got most of Alice painted in, but I'm still working on her hair. Still, the painting should be flowing more freely than it is right now. I'm in a sort of unhappy place, and that makes my art a thing of frustration rather than success. Maybe I need to switch my style, and vent a bit on canvas instead.

Today was interesting because when I got home from a morning appointment, there was a yellow butterfly fluttering weakly in my driveway. I stopped short of it, and went to check him out. He was alive, undamaged, but... off.

I gently put him on a flower, and later my children told me he had just died. I've seen lots of dead butterflies out here, but none that just... stopped.

Sad though it is, I couldn't help but think of my Alice painting. I have two butterflies in it. I'm already planning on the one in the sky to be orange, but I hadn't decided on the one on the tree closest to Alice.

I think I have now.

So, the pretty and sad butterfly will live on in this painting instead of out in the fields where he should. I'm going to save him, and keep him in my studio (unless he gets gross, but it's my understanding that this is about it for a butterfly which is why some people collect them.) I'm starting to collect lots of bits here and there for my studio. Things that make me happy, or snuggly, or sad. Precious bits of flotsom that will someday be looked upon likely as one gigantic mess of junk to be gone through. My grandfather did this, and I really didn't understand it before. I do now. Although, I don't plan on getting quite as bad as he did and to keep it confined to my studio where I can actually look upon it and enjoy it. I plan on being selective!

Finally!

I have obviously really been struggling since my vacation, but finally yesterday something broke. I ended up going down and pulling out all my in-progress works (there are five, not even counting the piles up in my studio that I'm making a fabulously great effort to ignore.) I put the largest watercolor that I sketched out aside, I wanted to make sure I was back on track before I started in on that one as watercolor is so unforgiving (this is the big one with the fairy and the unicorn from my last post.) I grabbed Alice, even though I had set her aside a while ago because everything just kept going wrong. I figured I wouldn't be working on her, but maybe when I made some progress on the others she would appeal to me.

I took over the kitchen table again. I pulled up the center expansion even, and then I proceeded to lay out all my paints and supplies and canvases and papers... and then I circled a bit. I walked from one room and to another, and each time with the mission that I just had to do this one more thing before I got rolling. It shouldn't be this hard, I was just going to do the two little watercolors to start (the twin dragons and the small unicorn.) That's easy enough. Right?

I decided to try another time-lapse photography film with my two watercolors, and given their small size, I'm decided to do them both together in the frame. It might be choppy, it might not work, but we'll see what happens! I got my camera all set up, and I even put the masking over the images I wanted to protect from my rather aggressive background application (I'm a heavy masker. If there was a way to do it without it, I'd love to know, but without fail I get paint on everything!)

All the while, I kept glancing at Alice.

I started pacing again while the masking was drying. And watching Alice.

Finally, I said to her (like a total crazy person, because talking to a drawn out figure on a canvas doesn't strike me as the most balanced of occupations) "I can make you today. I really think I can."

And right there, I tossed my plan out the window. I shoved the watercolors aside. I cleared a different space and started painting.

It was a struggle at first. Have you ever noticed that sometimes the paint just fights you? It's as if the last and most important ingredient in the recipe is missing. I knew it was there somewhere, and I had to fight for it, but after several hours finally... finally it clicked in. It took far longer to paint her face than it should have, but I wonder how much of that is due to working in watercolor on figures for so long (it really is a different process to switch from watercolors to acrylic, and when painting people I sincerely miss my oils as well. But this series is in acrylic, and I want to stay consistent with that.)

In person, her face fairly glows. I finally got her. HA! The rest of the painting will be so much easier comparatively. YAY!

I was closing up last night, realizing how exhausted I was from this fight with Alice, and I realized I had forgotten about the watercolors. I quickly, with the time-lapse on (although I wondered whether that was a poor choice), added in the backgrounds. So, all in all yesterday ended up being a good day in the studio!

Oh, I also got my postcards from my printer and they really came out wonderfully!

Aren't they cool? I'm going to start selling them, but given Etsy's fees it looks like I need to sell them either in person or on my main website. I only wanted to sell them for about $1 each, and a lot of these online venues like Etsy would end up taking most of that for themselves and I wouldn't cover my costs much less receive anything. Unless perhaps selling them in packs. That's a thought!

In The Lines

I'm a person who has long been in the arts... you know, since preschool - crayons rocked. Do you remember the moment you realized that they came in bigger boxes than the standard eight colors? Do you remember the first time you saw that massive box with a ton of colors and its very own sharpener? Moment of bliss, right there.

Still, as a person who has long been in the arts (and the art supplies) you can never know it all, see it all, do it all. More, sometimes you've been doing for a while and then suddenly find out that maybe no one else is doing it that way, and has instead been doing it in a much different (and possibly easier) way all along. Such has been my experience this week.

When I got my art degree in the 1990's, there were a lot of classes to choose from. I pretty much dove into everything that was offered from drawing to painting, and sculpture to throwing. The only classes I did not take were digital, watercolor, and airbrushing. I likely would have gotten to the last two eventually, but the digital was reserved for those going only for a commercial graphic arts degree. I think no one knew how blended they'd all become back then. I suppose it's worth noting I stopped after I got my Associates because I didn't want to teach, and I realized I was learning more on my own than I did from any classroom - for the record though, do hold a Bachelors in business administration, but that came almost ten years later.

In the drawing class, we spent time on the exciting live models and then the most boring still life's you can possibly imagine. We explored all sorts of drawing techniques, and through it all was a mantra that was burned into my mind; "by your own hand." I didn't pay much attention to that, because what else was I going to draw with? My foot? But that wasn't what the teacher meant. What was going on was a sort of revolution with projectors. Remember those silly things that the math teachers used to sit next to that looked like a mini-alien from War of the Worlds? Apparently, many artists were using transparencies of various things and putting their paper/canvas on the wall and tracing it on. More sophisticated projectors were around that did even more than that with photos, and thus began a new (?) art movement of tracing the picture onto the canvas and then relying on the artist to paint it in nicely.

It seemed so far fetched to me that leaving that behind for my art classes was no hardship. It didn't make sense for me anyway. Well, unless you were painting a mural - then I would definitely want to draw something out and blow it up for the wall. Otherwise, it's a bit tougher to get correctly. Not impossible, but trickier.

What I didn't know about was that in the watercolor genre, some method of tracing is actually quite common. The professional method is to draw out what you want, erasing as needed until you get it right on tracing paper, then putting it on a lightbox with your watercolor paper over it and tracing the correct lines onto the surface so you eliminate erasure marks and paper degradation. Another method is to use carbon paper on top of the watercolor paper and transfer the traced design that way. I never knew that! I only discovered it this week, if you can believe it. I suppose if you are an artist who needs the ability to work and then rework until you get it right, it makes extremely good sense. Plus, it IS your own work, so it's not like you're tracing a photo or someone else's hard work.

I never knew that. I know of many people who use projectors or lightboxes to trace things that they did not draw themselves, which I don't like - especially when it is someone else's work. I even know of one painter who actively makes her living in portraiture who uses a projector to not only trace the lines on the canvas, but also for color placement. I really don't like that. I know it takes skill to blend the paint correctly, but for me it just seems one step above a paint by numbers kit. It just isn't for me.

But I have no problem with people transferring their own work to paper. In fact, it makes a lot of sense. It makes it all seem a bit easier, less fraught with worry over getting it right the first time. I wish I had known! I really do, because... I think I'm too old to switch my method. No, really. I think I'm actually set in my ways on this one, and incapable of switching to a tracing method. I have always free-handed it right onto the paper - rarely even plotting out where elements of the painting are going to go beforehand (I tend to draw the main element, and then build the painting around it.)

Even though my stomach ties itself into knots every time I approach a blank canvas or block of paper, even though my mind races with the worry I'll mess it all up... I think I'm stuck this way. I wonder if my drawing would improve with refinement, and I'm doing myself a huge disservice. However, the voices of my teachers from way back keep echoing in my head "From your own hand" coupled with the idea that even if I'm tracing one of my own drawings, that it's just adding an extra step to what I already do. More work, rather than freeing myself.

I don't know if I should try it, just to see. There's something that makes the back of my neck prickle about it. But I might pick up some carbon paper today while I'm in town... just to see. Maybe I'd stink at tracing the lines anyway? Hmm.

For those of you artists; how do you all work? Do you freehand it? Do you draw many "drafts" of the painting and then draw it? Do you draw your draft and then transfer it somehow? What's your method?

Well, anyway... we'll see. I think I'll try it on one painting, just to see if I'm even capable of switching or if it's worth my time. In the meantime, however, here are three free-handed, right onto the blocks paintings all sketched out.

I did these two little ones so I have something to work on while the big one is drying:

Another for my small dragon hatchling series. I decided twins were in order. This is 4x6".

I've been getting lots of requests for unicorns, and I don't know why I've been dragging my feet. They're even a part of my family crest. I've drawn them for many years growing up and such, although it's been many years since I've drawn them. 

And then this is my new big one. It's 12x18, the biggest I've worked in watercolor in a long time. I have one bigger pad, a 14x20, but I haven't even unwrapped it yet. We'll see how this one goes:

I've set Alice aside right now, until I feel back in my head with the paintings. I'm hoping these will get me there! I don't know how much time I'll get this weekend to work on them though. I was also thinking of doing a time lapse video of one or more of the paintings. I might get that going this week.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Switch

Unfortunately, I continued to stumble along while trying to get my painting groove back. I'm not sure if it was just the vacation that threw me, or a combination of things. I painted in a bit on my Alice piece, but then it all started going wrong. I had to step away.

Ugh!

I worked on my other new business that I am starting (I've gotten my LLC and I'm finalizing numbers and more paperwork) right now, and that really is a distracting thing. It's a huge amount of work, and it's stressful. It's possible that this is part of what's bothering me right now. It'll be so much better once it's finally rolling (and I'll announce to everyone once it is, and explain what it is then with the grand opening. No idea when that'll be just yet.)

I guess with two businesses, I kind of have business ADD and it's a major distraction when it comes to the easel. Still, I decided I must do something to spark the art again! I thought about my watercolors, and that was appealing. I pulled out all sorts of blocks in different sizes, and I figured at the very least I can do another little dragon hatchling!

Instead, I started in on the biggest watercolor I've done yet (18x12"), it seems I can't do anything the easy way. It's not all sketched out yet, but it's in progress!

A unicorn and fairy. Now, I'm just trying to figure out the scenery, and then it's on to painting! I feel pretty good about it so far. Hopefully, it'll spark the drive to paint like crazy again. I've been splitting my week with Mondays and Tuesdays dedicated to the new business, and the rest of the week dedicated to my studio business. Hopefully I fall into that swing of things again!

Grooving... a little bit.

I sketched out my Alice in Wonderland, Alice painting before I left on vacation.

Alice, I drew her first and then the rest of the canvas around her.

I've started wondering if my having a rather long face has led to me constantly drawing faces a little too long, that perhaps should be more round? But when I go to try and fix it, it always looks wrong to me. I can't decide if her face looks too long or not at this point.

The full rough sketch on the canvas. I'm only trying to decide if a window or two should be on the tree as well, or if I should stick with my original intention of ivy winding up it with some flowers. I'm torn. I might just put one small window in as a compromise. This is on an 11x14 canvas, fine tooth - even though that still makes for a rough sketch. I want to try boards since they're so smooth, and I have them, but I haven't had the guts to do it yet!

My son brought his bunny in for approval. Fortunately, we're good to go.  Smoke, the bunny, was very interested though. He does enjoy hopping around my studio sometimes while I'm working.

I was all ready to jump in and paint, but I knew I couldn't start if I was going to be gone for a week, so it stayed on my easel, all alone. Well, I'm sure my cat visited, but I wasn't there to paint it!

When I got back, I had lost my mojo. Now I'm just starting to ease back into it. I forced myself, after working on other "projects" for my studio, to finally just start painting the sky in. I mean, worst case scenario I can always repaint that part. It helped. I'm ready to paint today, now!

So, once I get my walk in with Lily (I've been walking her every day for two miles, and she simply loves getting out), I'll be all set to dig in!

From our walk yesterday. Lily is a year old now!

We're having such lovely weather right now, in the mid-70's (although it actually hit 81 degrees yesterday!) The buds are starting to come out on the trees, and flowers are thinking about coming out. Spring is always very slow here, in Vermont, but once it really gets rolling, it's fabulous!

How's the weather where you are? Are you seeing flowers and headed outside to play in the sun, or snuggling inside while it's cold?

Where'd My Groove Go?

My family and I took a lovely vacation to Niagara Falls, ON (Canada) for their spring break this past week. It was only for a few days, and we had some fun adventures:

A butterfly landed perfectly on my daughter's head at the Butterfly Conservatory. It doesn't look real, but it is!

This butterfly wanted to see what we were taking pictures of. (That's my sweet husband cracking up with his phone. Soccer obsessed, can you tell?)

This guy, I believe, is a Cane Toad. He was part of the venom exhibit, and is extremely poisonous. But what a fabulous face! I want to add him to my Alice series somewhere... or as a dragon. I don't know, but he just has such character!

This is from my hotel room. We had a "Falls View" room, with a window that opened up and let you look around.

One of my favorite shots of the falls that I got, while on one of the boats that goes right up to them.

Going into the Horseshoe Falls, I couldn't use my camera much closer than this, and we were entirely soaked (and freezing!) by the time we got back to the dock!

Oh, and my daughter has a new boyfriend. We approve. 

The kiddos. 

But now that I am home and I have shuffled everyone else out the door, I am finding my groove to be missing! The kids were dragging their feet. The animals were even fussing a bit. Returning to normal is hard work!

I even went for a walk. Groove is still nowhere to be found!

I'm going to try drawing out another dragon hatchling, and maybe that will get my head in the right place again. I think I'm overwhelmed with everything I have to do. I have my art stuff to get rolling for my studio, but I am also working on setting up another business and there are so many things to be done... I may have thought about that, and just short circuited. I don't have to do everything at once. I'm my own driver here. And yet... yup, totally overwhelmed.

Also, I miss carbs right now. I started a new plan with my husband (The Fast Metabolism Diet, which is a really stupid name for a non-diet type of plan where it's about healthy eating and rebooting your metabolism - weight loss simply being a side effect of that. And I DO need to lose 40 lbs.) Two days are carb heavy with lots of fruit and healthy grains, low fat. Then two days are protein heavy with almost no carbs and fat. Then you get three days of higher healthy fat and more balanced protein and carbs, and then you repeat each week. I'm on the second day of the protein part, and I swear that if a pizza went by I don't think I could be responsible for my actions. You give up a lot of things on this (wheat, dairy, corn, soy, sweeteners, sugar, etc) and I'm currently in the throes of feeling very intensely about why I like all those things.

VERY intensely.

If I painted a cupcake, I'd probably eat the canvas. And the brushes.

*sigh* Dragon... I was going to paint a dragon...

Cheshy

I finally finished him! Thank goodness! I don't know if there is an easier way to paint hair and fur, but I haven't found it. The excitement of a new painting tends to dull in the face of endless hair strokes. Still... it's done!

"Cheshire" 16x8x1" Acrylic on Stretched CanvasOriginal and Prints Available

I like his more refined aire, than the standard disturbingly grinning Cheshire Cat. Oh, he's mischievous all right, but just a bit more dignified about it.

This has freed me up to start sketching out Alice. I really wanted to do her in watercolor, but I've decided that the switching of mediums might be too jarring in the series. So, I have a nice 11x14" canvas all ready to go, now I just need to get sketching!

I admit, I have had the television on in the background all day. Boston being on lock down, all the stations running a constant commentary (including when they shouldn't be giving out tactical information - you would have thought they would have learned something from previous problems with broadcasting troop movements and such to the opposing sides, but no - of course not. The news wants to beat everyone else with any details they can glom onto.) I was bothered as anyone would be by the bombings, but also because I am a runner. Granted a really, really slow and bad one. But I HAVE run a marathon.

I'll never do it again, with half marathons being my limit now, but I've been there. I've crossed that 26.2 mile finish line. It's just probably just that connection, thin though it is, that makes it stick that much more.

So here I sit, one ear to the television hoping that they'll figure this out, and my focus on making my Alice show her face!