Monday, March 30, 2015

Struggles

Normally, I think I'm so-so in the production department of my studio. It might be sort of slow (I wish I could knock out big complicated pieces every week! Sometimes I get on a roll and knock out all sorts of work, while other times it's a bit more tough going), but generally it's a fairly steady stream of work. However, lately I just feel like my head isn't glued on straight! I'm going through so much doubt and struggle, and it's very frustrating.

I have a feeling that this year is all about change, refocusing, and clarity. In other words, a very uncomfortable year all the way around. Let's face it; life is a bit of a mess for me at the moment.

I'm still living here with my kids and trying to get the house sold in Vermont while my husband lives somewhere else far away (in lots of hotel rooms.) It's been a long 6+ months of living like a single parent. We signed contracts to get the house going (built, and it's not gone smoothly) in North Carolina, but that just makes everything a little scarier somehow.

I'm trying to lose about 40 lbs in the middle of this... I'm not certain I'm doing well, but I'm not failing either (boy, if I could just figure out a way to give up eating, I'd be all set! Why couldn't I be one of those non-eating during stress types?)

I can't seem to make everyone (or anyone) happy in the family department...

All of that translates to me sitting down at my canvas and instead of exercising my demons and finding peace and balance at my easel like I used to, I think the top of my head sort of explodes. Once, art was an escape. Now that it's a business with demands and deadlines to be met, it's... lost a lot of the peace. That is on me, my own fault. I need to find my way back to art. I'm trying.

My commissioned work is slow going. I'm fighting it for some reason, suffering from a lack of focus I guess. My current piece is the White Queen, still. I painted in Humpty Dumpty, and I'm working my way slowly through the painting, but I'm... fighting it.



Actually, I don't think I'm fighting the painting itself. I'm trying to figure out how to get my life in order. I feel like everything is out of my control, and that's scary. Even my art, right now. It's my life, and yet everything seems to be at everyone else's whim (and some things, like waiting for someone to buy our house, is just so far out of my control that there's literally nothing I can do. Nothing makes a control freak more insane than knowing the major things tormenting them are completely beyond them. Plus, controlling the little things doesn't help any because the big ones are still around to give you nightmares.) So that makes me feel scattered. But I'm still trying to get it together, have a plan, and move forward.

I made some decisions. I applied to join a different art collective on Facebook in the hopes that it would help support my surreal artwork. You see, I have a venue right now for my fairy tale work, but not my surreal. Not really. I already know that I need both styles in my life to feel balanced, but that both smooshed together on one place is confusing to clients. So, I split my pages on Facebook so all my Fairy Tale work is in one place, and my Surreal is in another.

That was a good first step. The next was finding a place to get my work out there. Well, the collective I applied to turned me down. Rejection always bites the big one, but honestly? I'm okay with what happened. Instead, I have partnered with someone else to create a new collective with the same goal in mind. It's a lot more work, but it's going to happen.

The process is making me realize how much work has been stuck in my mind and not making it to paper or canvas. In my head, I have a vast portfolio and so much more to do. In reality? It's been on the back burner. I would have said no to me too as the other collective did, looking in from the outside. How could they possibly know where I'm going to go with things? It's a hard thing, realizing that the only person really paying attention to you is... you. No one is going to take your word for it.

Anyway. I realize I need to quickly develop my surreal portfolio. Sure, I have my old one, but that's out of date and out of step for where I am now and where I am going. I haven't been able to complete much of anything right now, though, yet I feel intense pressure to knock out a ton of work.

I recently finished a piece, and I feel like it straddles between both the Fairy Tale and Surreal work (which makes sense, since I was trying to figure the whole venue thing out for myself at the time):

"Cat's Cradle" 9x12 watercolor (little acrylic in her hair) on 140lbs hot-pressed 100% cotton professional watercolor paper.

I like it. It reminds me of the Graeae.

And then I worked on two others, and they totally crashed and burned. The sketches were good, even if the execution was a total melt-down:



*sigh*

I'll figure it out. I think that's going to be the whole point of this year for me, in the studio and out. I need to change, develop, move, refocus, and gain clarity about myself on multiple levels. That's a tall order. I'm just trying to hang on and keep going!


Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Thawing Out

My goodness, I certainly slacked off on my blog! I didn't realize that the last time I had posted was New Year's. Today, I spent time getting my website back together, because I was told I needed to get my "public face back in place." I had been avoiding my website for quite some time, as it never seemed like the right time to work on it. I could always find something I'd rather do... like advance mathematics or scrubbing the bathroom.

Still, my site, www.KWilsonStudio.com, is finally done!

Life, well, life is about the same as it was around New Year's. We are still waiting on an offer for our house. While we didn't get slammed with snow like the folks in Boston did, we got plenty along with just awful temperatures. There were mornings it was -33F with -60F windchill. One such morning, I had to go out and use the snowblower on the driveway at 4AM. Within minutes, even through thick gloves, my fingers started burning and aching! That kind of cold is a whole other kettle of fish when it comes to winter. So, with the weather being so hostile, it's not really a shock that people haven't been looking at houses for sale. No one was. Heck, going to the grocery store was tough!

We finally had a showing last weekend, but they wanted a one-level house. *sigh* Oh well, Spring is around the corner and people WILL be out and about again! We've also signed a contract to build a house, which means I know where I'll be living in August! Yay! (plus it didn't require that we sell this one yet, so we have time.)

My husband had been gone since New Year's also, but he flew back to surprise me for my 40th birthday at the end of February. I took this picture on my birthday, because I took one last year too:

me, 40!

But you know, while I like the picture... I'm a lot goofier (and more wrinkled) in person. I think these "selfies" really don't represent how we really are (translation: I can be kind of pretty if I'm not breathing and the camera is juuuuust right - but that's not real life.) My daughter takes pictures of herself all the time, and I just don't get it (but she's goofier in real life too, so that makes me feel a little better!)

Well, at least I've been getting some work done in the studio.
"Barry" 3x3 inches

I gave this one to my son.

"Hush" based off the Grimm tale, the Six Swans (12x18 inches)


My valentine's day, digital painting

I'm also working on the White Queen from Through the Looking Glass, a commission piece for a client. I admit, I've been struggling with a touch of avoidance here too, but it's finally going.

All sketched out (16x20):



Where I was at as of last night:



I'm really looking forward to my new studio in our next house, rather than working wherever I can here because my studio is filled to the brim with supplies and NO room for me. I think it'll help my productivity to have it all sorted like that, rather than my easel next to my bed, or a painting on the kitchen table and always in the way. Life gets in the way, true, but the way things are now I seem to be getting in Life's way as well!

I hope everyone is well!

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Year-end Wrap-up

Per my tradition that I started a few years ago, I have constructed my Painting Quilt for 2014. This is simply creating a big square space and plugging in all the paintings from the year into one spot. It's a nice way to see what I have completed in a year's time, not to mention to be able to see some growth.




It might look like a lot to some, but I fear it's actually far below what I had hoped for this year. Oh, and I realize it's got this one in it that I forgot to mention that I finally finished by request right before Christmas:

Eye Spy, 9x12 chalk pastel on pastel paper. Original sold, prints available.

This and the little dwarf with the spoons represents my experimentation with chalk pastels. Chalk was something I did a lot with in high school, but not professionally. I'm not sure where I'm going to go with this medium, or if I'm going to abandon it. I imagine I'll work a bit more with it here and there, likely for the auction groups I work with on Facebook now and again.

Looking at my quilt, I can honestly say that I didn't complete anywhere near what I had set out to do. I looked up my post for last year and my big plan was to work on more large and in-depth paintings. I had such plans! ARGH! Instead, while I did finish the Queen of Hearts, as far as any large and in-depth paintings... I didn't do anything else. I'm pretty disappointed in myself on that level.

However, what I do see in my quilt, beyond experimenting with pastels, is a foray into digital art (bottom left corner) that I had been tiptoeing around for a long time. I had been thinking a lot about buying a real tablet (like a Cintiq) and trying my hand at digital art. To test out how I would do with that, I bought myself a Waccom pen for my ipad and the Art Studio app, which works a lot like photoshop. Those digital paintings resulted in a few that I really ended up loving like this one:

"Star Gazing" prints available

But I also realized that dropping major money on a high end tablet for digital art just isn't for me. I know that digital art always looks crisper on merchandise, and I'll probably create a few a year just for fun (and probably all having a bunny, rabbit, or bumblebee in them), but that I don't need to invest money in a big-time piece of equipment. The main reason is that I'm simply an artist who likes to get her hands dirty.

I like being able to see what I can create digitally, but I'm not drawn to it like I am a rack of paint on the wall and a stack of canvases. There's something about having the actual material beneath my fingers that I just need. So, I'll create my silly and fun digital work here and there (especially if I'm traveling or stuck somewhere), but my main focus will still be traditional work. I think realizing that about the digital artwork was a big accomplishment for 2014. It ticked one of those major questions off my artist bucket-list.

What I also see is a resurgence in my surreal side. I initially started professionally selling as a surreal and abstract artist, and then I kind of abandoned it for the fairy tale work. I realized a while ago that I need both, and I have begun to embrace that whole-heartedly. One of my very favorite paintings from 2014 is this one:

"Sail Away" 8x10 acrylic on canvas (original and prints available)

I had long been dreaming about a figure series where the character brings night with her. Honestly, I think I have been dreaming about this series since I was in high school. Finally, it just bubbled to the surface for a prompt, and I've completed two this year (the other being the black and white "Forward" painting.) Those two are the tiniest tip of the iceberg for me, and there will be many (MANY) more coming.

Looking forward to 2015 I see (and hope and plan):

  • The Nyx series (night bringer) in both acrylic and oils
  • Finishing out Alice if I can, I've been commissioned do many more paintings including the White Queen and Queen Alice which I am already started on and will be sharing that shortly. These are exclusively acrylic
  • Red Riding Hood (and possibly others), and a return to oils
  • A few more minis here and there because they're fun, in acrylic, watercolor, and possibly oils - but trying to not get sucked into them and have them take away from the larger pieces
  • An Alice in Wonderland Calendar, and possibly a surreal one for 2016
  • Creating a yearly Christmas painting that I offer as Christmas cards, as I did this year
I think if by the time I am putting together next year's quilt, I have less work but more in-depth pieces, I will be satisfied with that. So, here's to a very illuminating 2014, and I hope a more satisfying 2015!


Thursday, December 25, 2014

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!


Did you get what you wanted for Christmas? I did; my family together. That's always enough for me!

Last night, before the cinnamon rolls were even done.
Notice the lack of flour all over my hair and face. 


I didn't realize how long it has been since I have posted! I didn't even show my finished Stocking Stuffers painting, much less all the little holiday minis I recently completed! I guess I've just been nose-to-the-grindstone and not really doing much else!

So, on this Christmas morning, with wrapping paper strewn throughout the house (seriously, it's driving me insane! I've picked up and it keeps multiplying!) children on sugar highs (and lows) and pets zonked out on a few of their favorite things... here is what I was up to in the past month!

First, I DID finish my holiday painting for 2014, and made Christmas cards out of it and filled orders. I plan on creating a holiday painting every year and doing that. I going to have 2015's finished by September though!

"Stocking Stuffers" 8x10 acrylic on canvas, sold (prints available)

Then there were the holiday minis I got going on. Basically, this is brain candy for an artist. I LOVE doing these little holiday fun ones!

"Candy King" 2x4 inches acrylic on canvas, sold


"Cardinal" 2x2 inches acrylic on canvas, sold


"Mistletoe Bunnies" 3x6 inches acrylic on canvas, sold


"Snowman" 2x2 inches acrylic on canvas, sold


"baby penguin" 2x2 inches acrylic on canvas, sold


"Candy Cane Dragon" 3x3 inches acrylic on canvas, sold


"Little Light" 2x2 inches acrylic on canvas, available



"O'Christmas Tree" 3x3 acrylic on canvas, available



"Gracie" 3x3 inches acrylic on canvas, available
You know what's neat? Knowing that some of my work is under the tree for someone. That makes me all warm and fuzzy!

In addition to working like crazy and trying to balance out the holidays, I also invested (finally) in an expensive art printer so I can make my own prints. And let me tell you, it's fabulous! I love how crisp and vibrant the prints are. Plus, this sets me free from the print service - for many reasons, this is a welcome change!

It's time to start thinking about how to structure 2015 to make it successful. More on that will be coming, as I promise to post for New Years. Until then, though, I must get my website finished! AND THIS HOUSE CLEANED!

Is there a Christmas cleaning fairy I should wish on a pile of ribbon for? No? I should probably get the vacuum out then...