Back To Your Roots

Today, I'm in my PJ's sitting in my studio contemplating the coffee I haven't brewed and am supposed to give up... but I'm totally going to finish out the coffee I have in the house before I give it up. Seems like a fiscally responsible thing to do, right? It's not like I have someone to donate it to, it would be a waste otherwise... *ahem*

I have two paintings to share for my online art collective's auction that opens up on Friday on Facebook. The theme is "Seasons". I had all sorts of ideas for this one, because I feel that something like seasons is right in my wheelhouse. I sketched out a bunch of ideas... honestly, I ended up having too many ideas, rather than too few, and it actually messed me up. I had this elaborate one with three elephants and on the head of each was different seasonal effects (like snow, flowers, etc) - I actually have the elephants mostly painted, but when it came down to it I just wasn't feeling it and I set it aside to be completed later (and perhaps differently.)

Instead, as I was on an owl streak and that's all I wanted to paint lately, I put these two together:

"Lilac" 5x7 inches, acrylic on canvas panel, will be available on Friday

"Mistle" 5x7 inches, acrylic on canvas panel, will be available on Friday

Lilac for Spring, and Mistle for my Winter/Yule season. They actually look better in person, my scanner really pics up variances that you just don't see in reality that make it look a bit choppier. I haven't figured out how to adjust that yet (any pointers from people who know? I use an Epson v39 scanner with it's software for 8x10's and under, everything else I have professional photography equipment but I use the scanner because it seems like too much effort to bust out all the stuff for a little painting! I use Lightroom3 or PSE to adjust if needed, but that's the extent of my photoshopping skills, and I'm probably missing most of the stuff I can do with those programs.)

Anyway, I really like how these owls turned out. I met my deadline by getting them done before the show opens (yay!) and now I am working on an old commission (as in, it's been going on for two years...)

My collector is dedicated and lovely. She's been so understanding, but it has been hard to work on this piece. I think the biggest reason is that I just don't paint like this anymore. My collector loves my Alice in Wonderland series, like this piece from 2012:

"Tea Time"

There is a whole series of paintings, including the cheshire cat, Alice, the Queen of Hearts, etc:

There are lots more, even. Anyway, it's a bigger series, lots in it, and the collector wanted a "Queen Alice". I could already feel my style shifting pretty dramatically, but I felt it would be ok.

Unfortunately, embarrassingly, it has taken me forever to work on. After I finally got it sketched out, it sat for a long time. Life blew up, so that is partly responsible for a lot of the time too. I just didn't paint at all - anything - for months and months. Then, I found I wanted to paint other things and when I tried to work on Queen Alice it would go sideways on me. I just wasn't feeling it. 

Because I am all caught up on my other deadlines, I am trying to work on this commission and I am finally feeling it a lot more. It is really hard to paint in a way you don't anymore. Those of you who have evolved your style, have you tried painting like you once did? I feel like my brain and fingers get confused.

Anyway, here is the work in progress as of this morning - it is messy and has a loooooooong way to go, but I am working on it. I spent Friday only on the stack of books. That should have taken very little time, and instead because I'm all upside down and backwards about this, it took ages!

Queen Alice, Work In Progress

I'm determined though. My poor collector, I cannot believe she has been so patient with me over this. So, this is my focus right now. I MUST get this one done. 

In a lot of ways, it'll be cathartic too. It'll be the final piece that links back to that whole period of my art-life. My art roots (after the abstracts where I really started.) I still do some specific fairytale stuff (and I always will because I love the stories), but it's not my focus anymore. I have new focus, new direction... I just need to do this, and maybe it's really all about closure? Do we need closure on art-periods and phases we go through? Hmm. Well, in either case, it's what I am getting!

Off to paint!

A Hard Road

Time seems to move fast and slow at the same time for me. Do you ever feel that way?

As I said before, life has gotten hard again. I wish I could share more, but owing to privacy issues and our judgmental society, I can't. I can say that I am back to being a full-time caretaker in a scary situation, and it's taking its toll on me... and possibly my hair (I've lost about half of my volume of hair over the last year and it hasn't come back. I hope it will, I miss it and my husband has even notices, which freaks me out even more.)

All that being said, I am trying really hard to paint. Art is who I am, and I lose something vital when I don't work. I don't have a lot to show for myself for these past weeks, but I have the following to share:

Nude 1, 5x7 acrylic on canvas panel

Nude 2, 5x7 acrylic on canvas panel

These two nude studies are 5x7 inches, acrylic on canvas panel. I did them because I really want to start improving my figure painting, AND I wanted to try to work with a local gallery here who I like. They had an open call for artists to submit nude works, and I managed to finish these two right on the deadline and submit them.

I don't know when I'll hear back, but hopefully they'll accept them. If not, they'll be available in my shop! The back-facing one was easy! It just flowed. I felt good about it and it went great, especially for acrylic when I prefer oils for people. The second one... what a headache! It got bad enough that I had to ditch the reference photo and just make it up as I went along. It turned out ok once I did that, but it looks less like a real person and more like I made it up... which I did.

I have figured out that while I respect people who can paint with hyper-realism, I don't want to paint that way... but I want to paint in a painterly realistic way, if that makes sense. The top one isn't bad for that goal, as a starting point. The second one, not so much. I suppose it's all a journey figuring my art-self out as I go!

This next piece, well I'm technically not supposed to post it until the 15th, but I wanted to share it (because it'll likely be a while before I blog again, given my history!):

Three-Eyed Fox (I can't figure out a good name yet) 8x10, acrylic on canvas panel, available on auction on facebook, https://www.facebook.com/StrangeDreamsSurrealArtCollective/

The theme is "Mystic Animals" and this was what I came up with. I had a lot of thoughts, but weirdly when it came time to sit down and do something I kinda hit a blank until a three-eyed fox. I know I'll have a million ideas later and kick myself for it, but hey, at least I made this deadline too!

I'm going to be 43 in about two weeks. I feel 16 and 80 at the same time right now. I tweak my knee by getting ready to stand up - not actually STANDING up, but just tensing to get ready to stand. Who does that?! Yet, if I buy something like a bottle of wine (which is rare, I don't really drink) I feel like I'm going to get busted like some sort of teenager. I'm in a weird place, yup.

I'm working on trying to take care of myself in between everything going on. Trying to get in workouts, trying to cut back on the chocolate (ha, yeah... there's a losing battle right there), and trying to get sleep and find time to just breath. I really wonder if moving to NC was a good choice. I was so frustrated with VT on many levels, but the main reason we moved here was because college is so unaffordable up there. One year up there at a main university is the cost of a whole bachelor's degree at a main/state university in NC. That's insane, not to mention the job market is dead for new adults as my children would be.

I'm hoping that getting more involved with the art scene here will help. I've submitted to that local gallery, and I also plan on attending some artist gatherings when they start back up in a few weeks... as much as I am a hermit, keeping myself apart isn't helping me settle in. I'm trying, though.

About comments on my post, I can't seem to comment back to folks, so I want you to know I REALLY appreciate your comments, and I'm sorry I haven't figured out how to easily respond!

And... now I'm off to paint for another gallery deadline that I haven't started! EEK!

Trying To Find The Calm

Since I took a picture last week of Autumn starting up here in Vermont, I decided I'd do one every week, just to show the changing season right now. So, here is this week's Fall foliage photo, taken from my deck, Sunday morning:

You can see that the colors are definitely heating up! Peak season falls around the first two weeks of October, so we're right on schedule. It gets flat out brilliant. I'm waiting for my oak on the left there to start turning orange!

I finished my piece for the live auction on Facebook on The Rabbit Hole Artist Collective:

"Sail Away" 8x10" acrylic on fine professional canvas panel.

I really am happy with the way the auction piece came out, and I am planning several paintings. I've just got the whole hair-turning-into-night-thing stuck in my head. I've got all sorts of ideas. Luckily, that will fuel my surreal side very nicely for a while.

I also painted a mini that was months past-due:

And then with all those obligations finally taken care of, I was finally able to start back to work on my Queen of Hearts (which I am sure the client who has reserved her is relieved about! Heck, I'm relieved too!):

This is where I had last left it, and started back in...

And the light was gone by the time I stopped (hence the bad lighting in the photo), but this is where I ended it. 

Now, I know I covered up a lot of the spiral trees, but that's part of how I paint. Maybe I didn't need to spend as much time on them, but the truth is that *I* know they are there and I'm not 100% sure how my paintings are going to come into being. They tend to have a mind of their own, and if I try to control too much I end up messing them up. So, I complete a lot of the painting that perhaps no one will ever see (like the wall on the White Rabbit painting, for example) because it's important to me to do it right and not have gaping holes if it goes in a direction I didn't expect. So, while no one will see how much went into those spiral trees, I know they're really there.

I went with a yellow flowering tree in opposition to the purple flowering tree (and if you look beneath them, they have opposite colored iris flowers too.) I plan on making the garden an explosion of floral color, so although it just looks very green now... it won't for much longer! I have to be careful though, because I know those flamingos are going to be a huge wash of pink!

I'm sill trying to decide about her skirt too. All one color? Red? Black? What about red and black stripes down? The center will be white ruffles, of course. But this is how the painting grows on its own; I'm never quite certain how it'll all end up. Just mostly certain. Mostly.

That wrapped my busy week up. Then it was time for two house showings on Saturday. There was a live bid on the house, but it's dead now because the other side was looking for a cut-throat deal and that simply isn't going to happen. I'm well aware we're past the Vermont real estate window, and I'm simply preparing to be here until next Spring. We're actually fine with that, because it is better for us financially anyway, we'll be likely to get a much more reasonable bid on the house, and I get to have one last winter! Win-win! If we got a reasonable offer, we'd take it, of course, but until that happens I'm happy with where we are.

All this back and forth is messing with my calm, though. I just found it, just started back to work on painting, and now I'm having problems keeping my calm because I want to yell at someone. The truth is that we're fine. Better than fine, actually. So, I should be calm and all this should be background noise. I just like things settled. Calm. I need to find my calm.

Saturday also brought with it a fever for me, which wasn't a huge surprise as my kids were sick this week too, and I'm worn down by all the unsettled energy going on. A cold isn't all that much of a shock. It's kind of like the other shoe finally dropping, actually!

I've been trying to take a few more "selfies" because my daughter pointed it out that it's fun to look back years later and see yourself. As I have avoided the camera as much as possible, there are actually very few pictures of me around. So, what the heck, right? This is me on Saturday with a fever, a migraine setting in, and laying down for a nap. For the record; I have a lot more wrinkles than this... which is probably why I like the picture! Sure, I feel like heck, but I look 10 years younger! HA!

I felt a bit better Sunday even worked out! Saturday was just a very big day after a very big week, I guess!

I'm typing this out on Sunday, and it's my day off... but I think I want to paint. Because it's a day off from the major studio work, I have decided to paint some Halloween minis! So, I'm off to do that! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

(I did start a halloween mini, and we had a last of the season fire last night)

Monday Pieces

Monday came fast this time around! I actually dropped the daily illustrations (I know, I'm the most wishy-washy person ever right now, it's really frustrating. But, I've figured some things out and I'll post about that in a mid-week post. Hey a bonus post!) Instead, I had two pieces I was late in getting submitted to The Rabbit Hole Artist Collective monthly auction. The theme was "classics" and I ended up trashing two pieces, because they just didn't work for me. Classics just seemed like such a vague thing to do. Classic how? Then someone said movies, literature, art... and I came up with Ophelia, from Hamlet. I also decided to do one inspired by Klimt's The Kiss.
So, here is Ophelia:

Klimt, ophelia - backgrounds in

"Ophelia" 8x10, acrylic on fine canvas panel. She actually looks better in person. I tried scanning the painting instead of taking a picture, and I think it lit things up a bit wonky. There are silver iridescent highlights in her hair, but they aren't quite that in-your-face. Hmm. 

"The Embrace" 8x6 inches acrylic on canvas panel

Now, the Ophelia piece is fine but... I LOVE the way the Embrace piece came out. LOVE it. I don't know why. Maybe it's the emotion the pose evokes. I just really like it. 

I thought it wasn't going to turn out. In fact, I even used a panel that has such a hard canvas tooth, I that I didn't figure on it being usable. Deep grooves like that in canvas really only work for thick-thick applications of paint (and attacks with palette knives.) But in some ways? I feel that the rough texture adds a little to it, sort of when people add grain to a photograph?

I'm considering a whole romantic series, for my Abstract side of the business. 

Anyway, that's the extent of my productivity last week. On Friday, another itty-bitty step forward was made in the whole job-maybe-move situation. All in the right direction, all glacially slow. Now, nothing will happen for two weeks, but then hopefully things will start going again. The downside is that if everything does go the way we hope, there is going to be quite a lot of pressure and panic to make everything happen. Maybe I will start producing art that involves attacking canvas with the palette knives?

Ahh well... On Sunday, I took the day off to hang out in my hammock and read trashy novels. I needed it. 

I hope you all had a great week!

Head Case

OK, I'm doing poorly with updating here. To be honest, I actually have another blog where I blather on about my life and whatnot (but tend to hide any art discussion from), and I often forget to come here and talk some more. I've been bad about my instagram account too. It's funny how often time feels like it's crawling by, but in other respects it just seems to fly (like between haircuts, that time goes by so fast! Yet, eating super-clean and strict for a day? Every day is three days, at least. Maybe nine. Or a year.)

Things have been crazy for me here. My daughter had an accident where my daughter was doing a stunt with her fellow cheerleaders at a game. It went wrong and she ended up falling off the mat and cracking her head against the hard floor at the same time as another cheerleader fell on top of her head. (So, floor, head, someone's back - stacked like that.) I was not there and didn't witness it, but the information I have is that the coach didn't think much of it and my daughter went back out for a few more stunts and cheers before my she felt so ill she needed to sit down. A trainer for the basketball team had seen everything and evaluated her as having a mild concussion and told her to sit out.

When my daughter arrived home, she seemed OK, just tired and kind of nauseous. So, she went to bed. I woke her up at school time and she had a headache and didn't want to go. I let her sleep and worked a bit. I should explain that as soccer coaches, my husband and I are pretty familiar with concussions (and this child has had a few mild ones.) I finished this painting in the meantime:

The prompt was Marie Antoinette, and it will be up for open auction in a couple weeks on Facebook.

...and then I went and woke my daughter up. It was 11 AM by then, and I decided to make her get up so I could evaluate her. One look into her eyes and I saw that her pupils were not equal, with one twice the size as the other (not a totally blown pupil, but wrong nonetheless.) That was it for me. Her headache was worse, still sick to her stomach, and so on. So, off to the ER we went.

The good news is that she was OK. The CT scan was clear and there was no bleeding on her brain. The bad news was that she's going to be a "little off" for a while (slow, slightly confused, etc) and was not allowed to text, watch TV, or basically use her brain for a few days. In other words; the worst fate any teenager can possibly imagine. She was pretty bored and stalked me around the house to entertain her. This isn't conducive to getting work done, or calming my nerves as her whole personality was a bit off.

I cannot explain how creepy it is to have your child change on you. You realize that you can lose someone without physically losing them, if that makes any sense? It made me sick to my stomach with that feeling of wrongness, and I have to say that we're a week out and things are not all the way back to normal. She has only been back at school once, but at least her pupils look more normal (they're still slightly off, especially if she's tired.) The doctor says that if she still doesn't feel well by Monday, all bets are off and it's back to the ER for another CT.

These kids are going to be the death of me, I swear. Since they hit their teenage years, I haven't slept much. The anxiety and fear from this sort of thing does NOT help. It's hard to focus on anything. Even taking a bath feels selfish and stupid - you should shower, and be quick about it, because you need to fix this NOW! You are mom, and things aren't right, you are failing! Go fix it!

But I can't.

Horrible. I feel just horrible. I should add that this is just compounded with some big things that happened this past year with my children as well. The constant fear I've been living with on one level or another is just suffocating. I have a whole slew of paintings in my head for my more abstract side of the studio, but believe me when I tell you that they are seriously dark. I haven't decided whether to paint them or not. Side note: it's nice to be able to paint in my head, even if I'm not accomplishing much in reality.

I could blather on, but I realize that what I have to share I could actually make into another post! So, I shall! And that way my posts won't be two weeks between one another.