Sunday, June 21, 2015

No-Control Freak

We're in the final stages of getting ready to move, and trying to sell the house. Part of that is finishing all pressing projects in my studio. Which I have...

"White Queen" 16x20, acrylic on stretched canvas (sold, commission)

Magpie, 5x7 watercolor/acrylic on watercolor paper (commission, sold)

Those two were finally it! Finishing those meant I was finally on vacation. I should be so happy.

I'm not. I'm not sure what to do with myself really. Sure, I felt pressed to get things done and it was hard to deal with, but I had something occupying a lot of my time too. With the kids out of school, the paintings all done, and packing to be done by the movers, I have MORE time to sit around and contemplate a panic attack when I think about moving and not having the house sold.

You know, I thought that if I just had hit my break from painting, I'd be more relaxed and feel like a weight was lifted. But all I can focus on is the fact that we keep dropping the price of the house, and the market just stinks up here. It's freaking me out, to be honest. I wish I could just let it go, but it turns out I'm a complete control freak, and I have no control in this. The only thing we can do is drop our price (which we have, below appraisal by quite a bit now), keep it clean, and just keep waiting. I'm totally not OK with that. I'm a do-er. I want to DO something!

There's only so many times I can clean the house without getting frustrated too, and I'm not sleeping as well because of the stress - even when I exercise like I'm supposed to and follow my diet (it's on and off at this point.) So... I pulled out a canvas, and I'm sketching out a surreal hot-air balloon. Because I think my studio is the only thing distracting me right now. I guess I can't just put it all away.

I keep telling myself this will work itself out, but it just feels scary. One giant ball of scary. And because of that, I am unable to close my studio down. Not yet. Maybe not until the very last second.

I wish I could be excited about everything. About starting this new chapter in my life, but not having the house under contract makes me feel as if I can't look forward to anything at all. (I wonder if that's true. I wonder if we get a contract on the house, if I'll find something else to be freaked out about - maybe the house is an excuse? I don't think so, though...)


Tuesday, June 9, 2015

June Bug

Well, it's been about another month since I checked in. I know, I know. But you should also know I write at a fitness/life blog of mine elsewhere, and that's part of the reason I think I don't write here as often as I should. I think I must subconsciously think that I'm just repeating myself!

Well, that's actually coming to an end. My fitness blog will be no more. What this means in actuality is that I'm kind of a windbag, and that will likely have to end up somewhere (here... 'cause, that's all I'll have left.) I'm ending my other blog because there is just so much one can say about fitness and weight struggles before it's kind of boring. I want to focus more on my life. My Art. My world.

OK, fitness and my weight will still be a part of that (because seriously, my chocolate addiction is legendary), but I need a more positive focus. So, I'm going to share more here with everyone than I have been. More art, more life, more stuff. Stuff is good.

So, first up I have to say that I'm still waiting to move. I'll be headed down to North Carolina over the 4th of July weekend. I'm both excited, and really nervous because it's like a big cliff coming my way and I can't seem to see anything beyond it. The house still hasn't sold, but we actually have a showing tomorrow. I'm hoping that means the market is beginning to pick up (it was a hard winter and I think everyone here is just behind the curve.)

Because of that, I have the attention span of a firefly at this point. I get excited about something, get ready to work... and then it's gone. (Where am I, again?) Seriously annoying from the studio side of my life. I'm really at this point where I feel like I need to pack up my art supplies and just exist. I need to just exist. Just take care of my family, keep the house clean, start packing, and not think about anything else. Maybe a few trashy romance novels, but nothing else. Unfortunately, I have projects that aren't letting me.

In truth, I really only have two left. If I can just get them done, I plan on packing up my paints and calling it quits until after we move. The first is this little watercolor/acrylic piece that I can hopefully get done quickly:

It's a magpie/bone boat. It needs to fly far, far away, its new owner is waiting for it.

The next is, of course, my Through the Looking Glass White Queen. Now, this one is a commission and my poor client has been so patient with me. She understands that if my brain isn't in it, I'll mess it up. But at the same time, it NEEDS to get done. I've never struggled with painting like I have been this past year. It's really quite ridiculous. It has nothing to do with the painting and everything to do with my moving-brain syndrome. But here is where she is at (sorry for the blurry cell phone picture):

She's coming along. I believe she'll get done. I'm hoping. Otherwise, I won't get that break I need, and I'll be trying to paint her in an apartment with the whole family on top of me while we wait for the house to be completed.

Side note: I can't WAIT to have a real and final place for my studio! I'm so excited! Squeeee!

I did finish this painting. You might remember her from an earlier post with red and all sorts of work done beneath her. Well, the leafing went wrong, and I ended up using the blue variegated leaf over the whole space. The mistake turned into something I just LOVE (two pictures because it is hard with the metal to get a good picture.)

Without light shining right off it

And with the sun on the leafing.

It's closer in color to the top picture, but the gold looks closer to the bottom one. It's one of those that's so cool in person, that I don't mind if it doesn't sell. I'll frame it and put it in my house. I see a dark, thick walnut frame...

That's pretty much it on the art front. See how bad my attention span is right now? Yeesh. But in other news, my daughter went to prom (and I did her hair, make-up, made the corsage and boutonnière, cooked dinner since they ate here, and took their pictures. I was exhausted by the time they left!)

Aren't they cute?
That's "the boyfriend", and they've been together about 7 months now? 8? I can't remember. Sweet as can be!

 And then shortly after that, my daughter turned 17. 17!?!  GAH!  We made a triple chocolate strawberry explosion cake:

Making dipped strawberries for the cake


I gained 10 lbs before I even took a bite, I swear.

And that's been my life! I'm looking forward to all sorts of things, and I plan on sharing a lot more here as they happen!