Sunday, June 21, 2015

No-Control Freak

We're in the final stages of getting ready to move, and trying to sell the house. Part of that is finishing all pressing projects in my studio. Which I have...

"White Queen" 16x20, acrylic on stretched canvas (sold, commission)

Magpie, 5x7 watercolor/acrylic on watercolor paper (commission, sold)

Those two were finally it! Finishing those meant I was finally on vacation. I should be so happy.

I'm not. I'm not sure what to do with myself really. Sure, I felt pressed to get things done and it was hard to deal with, but I had something occupying a lot of my time too. With the kids out of school, the paintings all done, and packing to be done by the movers, I have MORE time to sit around and contemplate a panic attack when I think about moving and not having the house sold.

You know, I thought that if I just had hit my break from painting, I'd be more relaxed and feel like a weight was lifted. But all I can focus on is the fact that we keep dropping the price of the house, and the market just stinks up here. It's freaking me out, to be honest. I wish I could just let it go, but it turns out I'm a complete control freak, and I have no control in this. The only thing we can do is drop our price (which we have, below appraisal by quite a bit now), keep it clean, and just keep waiting. I'm totally not OK with that. I'm a do-er. I want to DO something!

There's only so many times I can clean the house without getting frustrated too, and I'm not sleeping as well because of the stress - even when I exercise like I'm supposed to and follow my diet (it's on and off at this point.) So... I pulled out a canvas, and I'm sketching out a surreal hot-air balloon. Because I think my studio is the only thing distracting me right now. I guess I can't just put it all away.

I keep telling myself this will work itself out, but it just feels scary. One giant ball of scary. And because of that, I am unable to close my studio down. Not yet. Maybe not until the very last second.

I wish I could be excited about everything. About starting this new chapter in my life, but not having the house under contract makes me feel as if I can't look forward to anything at all. (I wonder if that's true. I wonder if we get a contract on the house, if I'll find something else to be freaked out about - maybe the house is an excuse? I don't think so, though...)

GAH!

2 comments:

Jeri Landers said...

Kyra, Kyra! There is ALWAYS something to be freaked out about, don't you know. Take it from a fellow artist and worrier; that imagination which allows us to create, can also be a curse. We envision all sorts of things BECAUSE we have such a sensitive mind, that includes "imagining the worst". It is your art that keeps you focused or maybe just keeps your mind occupied with more positive thoughts, so keep your studio open as long as possible. I know it sounds trite, but 6 months from now, you will laugh at yourself for worrying so much. HONEST!
PS. love the finished pieces, especially that bird!

Magic Love Crow said...

Hang in there Kyra! Soon you will be looking back at all of this and thinking, what was all I freaked out about. I know, easier said then done! I am a worrier too! I will keep you in my thoughts! I truly know everything will work out for the best!! Keep creating as long as you can! Big Hugs ;o)