|"White Queen" 16x20, acrylic on stretched canvas (sold, commission)|
|Magpie, 5x7 watercolor/acrylic on watercolor paper (commission, sold)|
Those two were finally it! Finishing those meant I was finally on vacation. I should be so happy.
I'm not. I'm not sure what to do with myself really. Sure, I felt pressed to get things done and it was hard to deal with, but I had something occupying a lot of my time too. With the kids out of school, the paintings all done, and packing to be done by the movers, I have MORE time to sit around and contemplate a panic attack when I think about moving and not having the house sold.
You know, I thought that if I just had hit my break from painting, I'd be more relaxed and feel like a weight was lifted. But all I can focus on is the fact that we keep dropping the price of the house, and the market just stinks up here. It's freaking me out, to be honest. I wish I could just let it go, but it turns out I'm a complete control freak, and I have no control in this. The only thing we can do is drop our price (which we have, below appraisal by quite a bit now), keep it clean, and just keep waiting. I'm totally not OK with that. I'm a do-er. I want to DO something!
There's only so many times I can clean the house without getting frustrated too, and I'm not sleeping as well because of the stress - even when I exercise like I'm supposed to and follow my diet (it's on and off at this point.) So... I pulled out a canvas, and I'm sketching out a surreal hot-air balloon. Because I think my studio is the only thing distracting me right now. I guess I can't just put it all away.
I keep telling myself this will work itself out, but it just feels scary. One giant ball of scary. And because of that, I am unable to close my studio down. Not yet. Maybe not until the very last second.
I wish I could be excited about everything. About starting this new chapter in my life, but not having the house under contract makes me feel as if I can't look forward to anything at all. (I wonder if that's true. I wonder if we get a contract on the house, if I'll find something else to be freaked out about - maybe the house is an excuse? I don't think so, though...)