Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Head Case

OK, I'm doing poorly with updating here. To be honest, I actually have another blog where I blather on about my life and whatnot (but tend to hide any art discussion from), and I often forget to come here and talk some more. I've been bad about my instagram account too. It's funny how often time feels like it's crawling by, but in other respects it just seems to fly (like between haircuts, that time goes by so fast! Yet, eating super-clean and strict for a day? Every day is three days, at least. Maybe nine. Or a year.)

Things have been crazy for me here. My daughter had an accident where my daughter was doing a stunt with her fellow cheerleaders at a game. It went wrong and she ended up falling off the mat and cracking her head against the hard floor at the same time as another cheerleader fell on top of her head. (So, floor, head, someone's back - stacked like that.) I was not there and didn't witness it, but the information I have is that the coach didn't think much of it and my daughter went back out for a few more stunts and cheers before my she felt so ill she needed to sit down. A trainer for the basketball team had seen everything and evaluated her as having a mild concussion and told her to sit out.

When my daughter arrived home, she seemed OK, just tired and kind of nauseous. So, she went to bed. I woke her up at school time and she had a headache and didn't want to go. I let her sleep and worked a bit. I should explain that as soccer coaches, my husband and I are pretty familiar with concussions (and this child has had a few mild ones.) I finished this painting in the meantime:

The prompt was Marie Antoinette, and it will be up for open auction in a couple weeks on Facebook.


...and then I went and woke my daughter up. It was 11 AM by then, and I decided to make her get up so I could evaluate her. One look into her eyes and I saw that her pupils were not equal, with one twice the size as the other (not a totally blown pupil, but wrong nonetheless.) That was it for me. Her headache was worse, still sick to her stomach, and so on. So, off to the ER we went.

The good news is that she was OK. The CT scan was clear and there was no bleeding on her brain. The bad news was that she's going to be a "little off" for a while (slow, slightly confused, etc) and was not allowed to text, watch TV, or basically use her brain for a few days. In other words; the worst fate any teenager can possibly imagine. She was pretty bored and stalked me around the house to entertain her. This isn't conducive to getting work done, or calming my nerves as her whole personality was a bit off.

I cannot explain how creepy it is to have your child change on you. You realize that you can lose someone without physically losing them, if that makes any sense? It made me sick to my stomach with that feeling of wrongness, and I have to say that we're a week out and things are not all the way back to normal. She has only been back at school once, but at least her pupils look more normal (they're still slightly off, especially if she's tired.) The doctor says that if she still doesn't feel well by Monday, all bets are off and it's back to the ER for another CT.

These kids are going to be the death of me, I swear. Since they hit their teenage years, I haven't slept much. The anxiety and fear from this sort of thing does NOT help. It's hard to focus on anything. Even taking a bath feels selfish and stupid - you should shower, and be quick about it, because you need to fix this NOW! You are mom, and things aren't right, you are failing! Go fix it!

But I can't.

Horrible. I feel just horrible. I should add that this is just compounded with some big things that happened this past year with my children as well. The constant fear I've been living with on one level or another is just suffocating. I have a whole slew of paintings in my head for my more abstract side of the studio, but believe me when I tell you that they are seriously dark. I haven't decided whether to paint them or not. Side note: it's nice to be able to paint in my head, even if I'm not accomplishing much in reality.

I could blather on, but I realize that what I have to share I could actually make into another post! So, I shall! And that way my posts won't be two weeks between one another.


3 comments:

~Rasz~ said...

Wow!!! How scary! I have to tell you that my kids are 21, 30 & 33 years old and still things happen that keep me up at night or just scared crazy. My youngest was the one with the most injuries racing BMX and he had his share of "mild concussions" and it still is so scary. I feel for you, and of course your daughter. She must feel like she is grounded, having all the teenage necessities taken away (tv, cell phone). Hope she gets better real quick and that you find some rest and sleep!

Your painting is AWESOME!!!! I love her. Absolutely beautiful Kyra. Big hugs and restful thoughts!

Carmen said...

Oh wow Kyra. My kids range from 16 to 1yr old and I can tell you - I think I'm going to have a heart attack at least once a day! Especially with my baby boy - he just want to climb everything and is so unintentionally destructive. Never had it like this with the girls.

I hear you with the dark side of things - we had a dark period which lasted 10 years with my eldest and honestly, I'm surprised and grateful that she has turned out the way she has. I think you should do your art - it may help you.

Thank you for telling us about your daughter - I know now what to look out for with the eyes. I can understand how frightening the change in her must be and I hope she starts to feel more like herself soon.

As for your painting, well, she is just gorgeous and - looking at your other post - yes I do love her purple as well... but then I do have a certain fondness for zombies and she looks like a rather beautiful one in that colour ;) (That's meant to be a compliment *g*)

Magic Love Crow said...

I am so sorry for your daughter! Sending healing thoughts her way! Must be so scary for all of you!!!
Kyra, you are a loving, and caring mom! You are a good mom! Never feel you aren't doing enough! Your children love you!!!!
Your painting is so beautiful!
Big Warm Hugs ;o)