Taking the Time

I've been doing a lot of thinking. I'm often caught up in my thoughts, but something in particular really hit me the other day. I was listening to the radio and they were discussing the possibility of certain stolen famous paintings being returned. The guest mentioned that if they could recover a Vermeer, they'd be especially grateful as only 35 paintings of his exist.

I actually love Vermeer. I know I paint often wild and fantastical things, and I tend to lean towards a more impressionistic style at times, but I really love Baroque painting. In particular, it's these artists' use of light that makes me want to just sit and look at the painting for hours.

Anyway, what struck me is that only 35 paintings... 35!!! A master of his work, arguably poor (he died in debt), but only 35 paintings. He worked slowly, maybe three a year or so, but he left a beautiful collection as his legacy. There seems to be some sort of balance in this modern age between quality and quantity, and being a prolific painter seems to be important to success. But then, I suppose it's how you define success that matters. Vermeer wasn't wildly successful, but his 35 paintings he has left are arguably a big success as they are simply amazing.

I've mentioned it before, but when it comes to painting I am actually a slow painter. I can do some smaller faster ones, but anything bigger and detailed like my white rabbit (below) takes months. MONTHS! Months and months.

"Tea Time" 16x20, acrylic on stretched canvas

It's not the actual physical time of painting, either - although that takes a while too (if you've seen the video of me painting this, you see how much I spend on certain elements where other artists probably layer quickly and move on. I am not satisfied with that, and I really push the paint and my brushes hard.)

It's the thinking that goes on. When I paint, I don't have it all worked out exactly how I want it to look. I feel like the painting kind of grows on its own. I know how I want certain elements to look, certainly, but there are many aspects where I feel like I'm open to negotiation and let the paint take me where it wants to. That takes time. Sometimes it's sitting there staring at it. Other times it's thinking about it while doing something else. But no matter where that time is taken up, it still IS.

I've finished these recently:

"Bert & Emmy" 9x12 watercolor and acrylic on 140lbs hot-pressed 100% cotton paper.
Currently up for open auction on facebook.

"Timmy" 6x6 oil on a professional ampersand wooden panel.

I also created a special page for my monsters, Whimsical Misfits.

This is part of the Traveling Journal, where this book is going all over the place to different artists and we each get two pages to fill however we'd like. This is my contribution.

Those three paintings did not take as long, obviously, but they probably still took more time than most artists. They're also simple pieces without detailed backgrounds or surroundings.

My Queen of Hearts is taking a long time:

Just snapped this quickly with my phone, bad lighting, sorry

But I realize it's because I want to get it right. I want to make another really good painting that feels like you could walk into it. A window to another world. THAT is what I want to leave behind as my painting legacy.

A window to another world. And for me, those windows take time. I feel such guilt and pressure because I am so slow. I feel that if I was better at this, I would be painting faster. Because of that, I find little things I can paint to distract myself and feel like I have accomplished something, but it's a false sense. I feel accomplished when I finish these deeper paintings, and I'm starting to realize that's important.

Even if I only paint 30 really spectacular paintings in my lifetime, I would be prouder of that than 2,000 fast ones that lack what I want to put into them.

I'm not sure exactly where I am going with this, because I'm not going to let certain things go (like the misfit monsters, or my fairytale I'm going to make via a series of paintings), because I like them. But I realize that I need to allow myself to take the time to feel accomplished, and that perhaps being slow is just something I need to accept rather than run away from or feel bad about.

Plot Twist!

Isn't that just a fabulous sentiment? It's how I feel about my entire life, every aspect of it. Whether I'm trying to lose weight, or paint the rest of the frustrating Queen of Hearts, or move out of this state, this is something I know to be true.

It all starts with a day dream and a wish for change, for something more, doesn't it?

I realize I spend a lot of time in my head, in my own world, in my dreams. I think that is why I am a painter. These gardens for my Alice series, I've walked them a thousand times in my head. These creatures I create? Those, too, are my new friends.

Speaking of which, meet Frank!

Frank wishes he was a household brownie. He would love to have a house to call his own, where he could clean and bake wonderful things. Yet, every time he gets a chance to jump in, somehow that darn tail gets in his way! Dishes tumble and crack, pans of cookies go flying, laundry is dumped into the mud! Poor, poor Frank!

I loved pulling out my oils for these creatures (taken from the sketches I made earlier.) Frank was the second creature I painted in, Mandy is the first:

Mandy is afraid of the dark. She's also afraid of water. And bright lights, and... well, Mandy is afraid of most everything. Luckily, she has her best friend, Mr. Snooks (the teddy bear) and he gives her the courage to face things, because she's never alone. Just don't make any loud noises, OK?

Drawing creatures is really enjoyable to me. I'm thinking long and hard about whether they are another diversion from my strong focus on complicated and detailed fairy tale paintings, or if they are a legitimate side focus for me to continue developing. I'm leaning towards development, but I need to be careful, and I acknowledge that. For now, I'm painting the rest of them, and then seeing how I feel. I rather like each and every one of them, they each have a story!

Something to think about, I suppose. Something I never saw coming. I suppose you could call this a plot twist!

Doodles

Just this past week, I suffered a two-day migraine. It's very frustrating when you can't do any of the things you normally would. I've had migraines since I was very young, and I have always just sort of accepted them, but this time I actually had plans and I saw how I had to back out and let others down because of it. I felt very guilty.

On the business side, I was all set to paint in the white rabbit on my Queen of Hearts painting:

I even took my picture with the canvas, just as pain was sneaking in behind my right eye, but I didn't know it was going to be a migraine:

About 20 minutes after that picture, I realized it was a migraine and took something. An hour later I was in my bedroom, miserable, and nothing I took helped. It was a weird one, lasting two days and nothing really knocking it. I lost time, progress on work, and let people down.

It finally let up yesterday morning, but I had a sort of migraine hangover. I couldn't focus right, even though my brain was clamoring for me to get working on my Queen as soon as possible. I didn't want to mess her up, though.

So, since it was the weekend anyway and I'm not supposed to be working-working, I decided to do some sketching-doodling fun instead! I used to doodle monsters, all sorts of monsters. I called them guardians, and I once had the idea that I'd make them out of clay (about 20 years ago.) They'd be the little gargoyle friend that you put next to or under your bed and they would chase all the other monsters away because they were special. I had all sorts of sketches, but they are long lost now. I probably threw them away!

Well, I started doodling again and thinking about them while I did. Drawing little monsters is easy and fun for me, and I decided I'll do a painting of some of the best ones (not all of them turn out to be red carpet worthy *ahem*) in oil or acrylic. Here is one from last night:

I am having people suggest CUTE animal body parts and I'm combining them into monsters. This one is Bird, Sloth, Cat, Rabbit, and Duck. My son didn't like her, and said she was creepy.  Me? I like her.

I'm going to do more today, and see what happens. Maybe I'll revisit my clay idea if I can figure out which clay to use, and more as a figurine than something to give a little kid (I had envisioned something about six inches tall and substantial, but now I'm imagining something smaller and shelf-worthy instead!) Hopefully, no more migraines will hit and I can work on my queen this coming week.

I have no news about whether we're moving. It all got messed up by human error, and now we're waiting on pins and needles to see if all is lost or not. We really want to move, so cross your fingers for us! We should know over the next two weeks (but then, they've been saying that for the past seven weeks and I've been going nuts!)

Stasis

You'll be happy to know that the only person who got a stomach ache from my husband deciding to eat three-week-old-leftovers was me. I don't understand why men could eat the bark off a tree, lick a poison frog, and then roll in a barn without even causing the slightest quiver in their stomachs while the mere suggestion of any of those things turns me a quite unbecoming shade of green. While we're on the topic of men, I also don't understand why men can just consider losing weight and drop five pounds instantly while the same result requires a month of serious effort on my part. Just makes me want to slap the lot of you men. Love you, and all, but slap you just the same. *wink*

My ankle is still sprained, and my doctor floated the possibility that I actually fractured it, but since I was doing better I got to put off x-rays unless I fail to make reasonable progress. It's almost been a month (well, maybe just over three weeks, but it feels like a month) and I'm fair to going stir crazy not being able to go running as I normally do (and eating far too much, hence the five pounds commentary earlier.) I have been working, however.

I finished up a couple more pieces for the very shortly upcoming issue of Thrice Fiction Magazine (it's a free read digitally.) I wasn't able to participate in the last issue because I was overbooked with work, but I'm glad they gave me another shout this issue. As it involved snow, and we got a surprise four inches of the stuff after a lovely 80 degree day before that, it all sort of fit. I had a lot of fun changing how I do falling snow as well. I have done dots with the brush and a few other methods, but I think my favored one now is loading the brush with slightly watered down white, holding it about 6 inches from the surface, and then finger-flicking the brush with my other hand.

The first painting with the window is all flicked snow/stars, the cup is masking and flicking when I was undecided. Flicking it is, from here on out!

"The Window" 9x9 inches, watercolor and acrylic on 140lbs hot-pressed professional watercolor paper. Iridescent paint on moon and mirror/window frame. Available for purchase

"Fill It Up" 5x6 watercolor & acrylic on 140lbs hot-pressed professional watercolor paper.  Available for purchase.

Once I got those pieces done for the magazine, I needed to transition back over to my Alice painting (which is taking forever, and is entirely my own fault.) So, I did a quick (mostly quick) girl, another one for the "emotions" online open auction on facebook.

"Blue" 5x7 inches, watercolor & acrylic.Will be up for auction on Monday on Facebook at The Rabbit Hole Artist Collective

I was going with just black hair, but then it simply wasn't enough. So, I amped it up with blue and aqua highlights in iridescent paint, and it still wasn't enough. Finally I added the tattoos, and I liked it much better. One thing I really don't like about watercolors is that the skin features really wash out in a photograph. In person, it's a lot smoother and more even. The camera often picks up areas the eye simply doesn't see in reality and misses others. It's been very frustrating. At least it doesn't do that with acrylics and oils!

I haven't made much progress on my restructuring because we're still flailing about in the wind over whether we're moving or not. We've said yes to the offer, and yet it's been six weeks without any solid movement. I'm completely paralyzed personally and professionally, and that's been very difficult to work with. There has been some hope that we'll hear something on Monday, so I'm crossing my fingers. I can't exist in this stasis any longer.

I'm going to be focusing on my Queen, and trying to think about what my options are if I continue to be stuck. Making my current painting my priority will help, I hope!