Life Got Busy

I feel like I am in the final stretch of... something. I haven't done much in my studio but these:

"Twinkle" 8x10, acrylic, Available

"Sky 1", 6x6 acrylic, Available 

"Halo" 6x6, acrylic, SOLD

I find that I am disappointed in myself for not having accomplished more. I have started a few pieces, but in truth I've just been completely buried in my life. We have been remodeling, and it's getting to a desperate point since we have my parents and my son's girlfriend coming out for his high school graduation shortly (to see some remodeling pictures and such, you can pop over to my other more life oriented blog here) I've been painting walls instead of canvas!

My son is graduating high school in two weeks, company is coming (so we have to finish our master bedroom at the very least, so the guest room is open for guests again), my daughter is turning 21 and also moving back to North Carolina... AND we adopted my daughter's roommate's kitten that the roommate wasn't taking care of. Meet Cleopatra (Cleo for short, because it's super embarrassing to say that in person at the veterinarian - even though after meeting her the doctor agreed the name totally fits her!)

I just couldn't let her go to a shelter (even though they're all no-kill here in Vermont.) She's the sweetest, cutest, tiny little thing with six toes on each paw so she's a polydactyl, and suspected Maine Coon, but we shall see. My old boy, Socrates (also a Maine Coon, and about 16 years old) is a little huffy about having THREE extra cats after being the only one for so long. However, he's a gentle giant and just moping rather than acting out. I'm trying to snuggle him when I can. He's still my boy (even though Cleo sleeps every night curled into my neck or on my chest at the moment. Cuteness overload, people!)

But I miss my studio. I miss feeling like I have done something with my time that was for ME but also productive in a way that I have something to show for myself. I want to become someone who is producing something almost every day (or at least making great headway!) I have found my self-worth is tied heavily to my art, and I feel a bit of pain not having anything to show for months having passed. Maybe that's silly, given so much is going on, but it's my truth. I NEED to paint.

We all have things that are tied to our self-worth, what are yours?

Life will be crazy for the month of June, which also includes actual contractors showing up and ripping out our kitchen (the only project that's just too much for us to do it ourselves) in addition to company, graduation, birthday parties, and my daughter moving away. I'm hoping that July brings an opening into my being able to work again. If my son successfully attends college in September, and the remodeling is done by then as well, and nothing else bad happens (as has been for the past couple of years) I will finally have the house and my LIFE back to myself for the first time in over two decades. I'm really looking forward to what that will bring, and hoping to take advantage of it!

Back to the Art-side

A long absence has certainly given me a lot to share, both personally and art-wise! I'm going to go a bit lighter today.

As it's December, I thought I would share my official 2016 Holiday painting (this is a different painting that I create each year with the intent to release as a holiday card for myself and others to order, etc.) I got my neighbor's daughter to be my model, and I actually think it turned out rather well:

"Sequor" (original is sold, prints and LE canvas prints available)
11x14 Oil on Canvas Panel

I was happy I completed this painting this year, as I sort of failed that goal last year what with only moving into the house in October and not being settled at all. This year, my studio is set-up very nicely. In fact, I recently was able to attend Art of the Carolinas for the first time ever! I didn't participate in any workshops, but the art supply trade show is a DREAM.

I was able to get my hands on all sorts of things at a huge discount. One of the people there told me that many artists save up all year and then do all their buying at the show. I can see why, and I'll likely start doing that myself. 

I was able to purchase HUGE canvas panels for the first time ever. I always had to order stuff in Vermont and the shipping was often the same or more than the panel, and the panel was pricey too so I never went for a big one! At the show I was able to get canvases over 60 inches for less than $60. If you know your canvas, you know that's a big savings! I was giddy at the trade show! I even got a new easel. It's an art supply wonderland for me!

My poor husband endured it pretty well. I figure it's payback for all that time spent in fishing stores, or in the home improvement stores when he's "just browsing" and I get to the point where I'm eyeing the stacks of plywood and thinking "I could nap on that, right? No one would notice..."

I was also able to paw through wood panels. I have started painting on these now and again. I'm kind of on the fence with them. The ones I had were plate-smooth and this actually made it hard to paint on. I felt like the paint was slipping off, and this surprised me because I often feel like I'm fighting the tooth of normal canvases. Still, I got this one to turn out when others had failed me (or I failed them):

"Sunset" 5x7x1" oil on cradled wooden panel, available

I found some gessoed panels at the show that actually had some texture to them, and I'm going to try them and see how they work. I like the idea of painting on wood, but I have a lot of canvas to use up if that's the way I go. I also, a few months ago, found gesso (Prima) that reduces the tooth without sanding and this was a huge find for me.

Let's see. More art that has happened, and has started me really thinking about my studio and my direction:

I painted "Dawn" on a black ground, and this was a new experience for me. One that I really liked, and intend to explore more. It took me longer than necessary because I was new to it, but here is a time-lapse I shot on my phone of the painting:

This is one of the paintings that has got me thinking about my studio and "voice" which I'll touch on in another post. Until then, here is more art from this year that I haven't shared:

I just finished "Ringmaster" on 12/1. I had to turn him around in about 24 hours. I'm pleased with how he turned out! He's another little one: 5x7" oil on canvas panel.

Envy, oil on 6x6 canvas panel (available)

I have been playing with abstracts again:

"Stardust" is a large piece at 24x36x1.5, acrylic/silver leafing/gems on stretched canvas (available)

"Lark" is 9x12, acrylic/gold leafing on stretched canvas (framed, 14x17, available)

Didn't name this one, but same dimensions and info except I used silver leafing (sold)

I've completed other paintings, but that's probably enough for now. And honestly, I haven't been creating a lot this year. I know I originally had this huge plan, but I will say that I failed that. I've been thinking a lot about why, but that is for yet another day!

Let It Fly

My husband left for business (Paris, France... then Bangalore, India.) Fortunately, he's currently on a plane back, and we (the teenagers and I) have successfully survived another few weeks on our own. It's gotten easier since we spent 10 months on our own in Vermont. It used to be that even a short business trip threw everything out of whack, but I guess we've sort of gotten over that given how long we were on our own.

Still. It was a hard couple of weeks for me anyway. His trip coincided with my Bermuda triangle of doctors appointments that all happened to fall within the same week. It wasn't supposed to be like that, but that's what happened. Moving out here, it's been tough "establishing care" because you have to wait forever to get in to see a doctor if you're new. Once they know you, it's like you have the secret password and they're allowed to talk to you and schedule you... BUT NOT BEFORE! We can't just schedule people! It would be chaos, woman! CHAOS!

Anyway, among those appointments I was informed that I was over 40 (you don't say) and that, lucky me, I get to go have my first mammogram! I went home and called one of the numbers on the sheet they gave me for the places that do them, and my plan was to make my appointment right away because I was being responsible. I was very proud of myself. Right up until the woman on the phone said "We could see you right now," and I actually blurted out like a whiny six-year-old "But... I don't wanna go right now!"

She laughed at me. I laughed too, but I was also completely serious. I agreed to go the next day though. That whole being responsible-thing, and all. I have to say, I got it done and endured it, but... is it possible our ta-tas (and I just looked up alternate words for them here - that was quite an adventure, I think sweater-stretchers was my favorite) well, that maybe they don't re-inflate all the way after something traumatic like that? I swear I have more room in my bra than I did before I went in. Would that work on my derrière? I'd happily submit, in that case.

The day after that, I went to the eye doctor at Target and got a prescription for new reading glasses for when I'm painting, and an education about drive-through medicine in a big box store. I can't decide how I feel about it. They had all the machines. Everyone was nice enough. It was just super fast, very uncomfortable to be in a super-bright room while my eyes dilated, and it just felt... cheap. I'm sure everything was just as precise as anywhere else, but it still felt that way. I was also told my distance vision in my left eye is starting to kick off too, but I was able to hold off getting actual glasses to wear all the time just yet. I might not have long, but I was able to squeak by this time!

Getting older bites.

On the weight front, I was doing great with my workouts and pretty decent with my food... and my number wasn't moving down at all. Very frustrating. It started moving again today, but that's always a frustrating thing and it just piled on to the whole "I'm not enjoying this" time I was having.

In the midst of that, I found out that prom is a deadly serious event down here in the south. Even though prom is in April, apparently everyone pretty much has their gowns already (and they're wicked expensive here, too!) So, my daughter and I went dress shopping. I tried on one myself, but it felt like either an "older/mature gown" or I don't know. Just... "off"

This thing was really complicated too. It has a slit that goes up to the waist that you can kind of see on the side there? Underneath, is a really complex lacy beaded secondary sheath. Also, it cost more than my first car. I was careful to hang it back up very gently. We had wandered into Saks Fifth Avenue, and had never been there before. Who pays $150 for a pair of underwear?! Who are these people?!

We eventually made it through some crazy prom shops where I think the moms were all ex-pageant contestants vicariously living through their daughters (it was very unsettling) and found David's Bridal. They didn't have a huge selection, but they had "the one" my daughter wanted, and I wasn't going to have to sell her brother in order for her to have it.

I can't believe she's going to be 18 in June. Sigh. Also, I wish they had prom dresses like these when I had prom! 1992 and 1993 was not good fashion years. At all.
I hope those photos never see the light of day.

On the work front, I just felt frustrated all the time. ALL the time. I'm trying hard to get these Alice in Wonderland commissions done, because I really need to move on. They're important, so I'm going to do them right, but I feel like I am fighting myself every step of the way. It feels like that scene in the Neverending Story where the kid is slogging through the swamp and can barely go on. It's so ridiculous at this point, I'm annoyed with myself.

Which doesn't help, just in case you were wondering.

I'm still trying to sketch out the whole Queen Alice piece. She's big, and complicated at 18x24 inches. There are a lot of elements the client needs, and I'm trying to fit them in so they all flow nicely.

Queen Alice. That's the Jabberwocky behind her, all dragonish.

One of those elements is the Mad Hatter, which is an 8x10 commission for the same client. But I needed to sketch him out on his portrait so I knew who I was adding to the big one. He's finally done, and ready for paint:

He'll look less old, hopefully, when I paint him in. I needed shadow and line markers, and they always make a person look old on an outline sketch.

And now I can add him, and the white rabbit, and the Cheshire cat... and we'll see what else is needed. It really is like trying to figure out a jigsaw puzzle at this point. I'll get there. Eventually.

I was so frustrated, that I decided to blow off steam, art-style. I started out professionally as an abstract artist... here's an oldie, but popular one from 2003:

They're really quite freeing when you've been working so precisely. So, I just started throwing paint. I started letting it fly, and just putting it where my gut told me too. Very zen of me, I suppose. I got to a stopping point, because it needed to dry, and posted a few pictures on Facebook. This one in particular set of a very unexpected reaction:

People loved it the way it was. Said I should stop. Sell it like this.

Like this?

I've done abstract, I started in abstract... but even I never went this abstract. I stepped away from it. I added a tree with just a knife to another smaller one, while I was thinking about it:

And landed a fast commission for a matching tree, and a big moon in the middle. (still working on that one.)

And still, people carried on. Liking the plain, abstract purple piece. Encouraging me to do more. Messaging me, and backing that up with inquiries.

I have to admit, I'm a bit floored. I had never considered really working that abstractly. Not to mention, I had absolutely no direction, no purpose in mind. I was blowing off steam, letting it fly... and people liked the result.

I've done a bit of thinking about all of that, and I've decided to keep with my original plan of my three series (Nyx, Elephants, and 12 Dancing Princesses), but that I am also going to do a 5 piece Element Series and put it out there to test the waters. I feel conflicted and surprised on several levels, and I imagine it'll take a bit more thinking on my part, as well as whatever happens with the series, to come to some sort of peaceful resolution... but perhaps, just maybe, a new door is opening to me that I never expected. I'd be a fool not to walk through it just to see what's on the other side.

I'm just going to let it fly, and see what happens! Perhaps that is an attitude I should start taking with different areas of my life as well. I've lived with such fear and worry and feelings of inadequacy... what good has that ever done me? I can always crawl back into my cave if it all goes wrong. Right?

So, here's to letting it fly!

Stasis

You'll be happy to know that the only person who got a stomach ache from my husband deciding to eat three-week-old-leftovers was me. I don't understand why men could eat the bark off a tree, lick a poison frog, and then roll in a barn without even causing the slightest quiver in their stomachs while the mere suggestion of any of those things turns me a quite unbecoming shade of green. While we're on the topic of men, I also don't understand why men can just consider losing weight and drop five pounds instantly while the same result requires a month of serious effort on my part. Just makes me want to slap the lot of you men. Love you, and all, but slap you just the same. *wink*

My ankle is still sprained, and my doctor floated the possibility that I actually fractured it, but since I was doing better I got to put off x-rays unless I fail to make reasonable progress. It's almost been a month (well, maybe just over three weeks, but it feels like a month) and I'm fair to going stir crazy not being able to go running as I normally do (and eating far too much, hence the five pounds commentary earlier.) I have been working, however.

I finished up a couple more pieces for the very shortly upcoming issue of Thrice Fiction Magazine (it's a free read digitally.) I wasn't able to participate in the last issue because I was overbooked with work, but I'm glad they gave me another shout this issue. As it involved snow, and we got a surprise four inches of the stuff after a lovely 80 degree day before that, it all sort of fit. I had a lot of fun changing how I do falling snow as well. I have done dots with the brush and a few other methods, but I think my favored one now is loading the brush with slightly watered down white, holding it about 6 inches from the surface, and then finger-flicking the brush with my other hand.

The first painting with the window is all flicked snow/stars, the cup is masking and flicking when I was undecided. Flicking it is, from here on out!

"The Window" 9x9 inches, watercolor and acrylic on 140lbs hot-pressed professional watercolor paper. Iridescent paint on moon and mirror/window frame. Available for purchase

"Fill It Up" 5x6 watercolor & acrylic on 140lbs hot-pressed professional watercolor paper.  Available for purchase.

Once I got those pieces done for the magazine, I needed to transition back over to my Alice painting (which is taking forever, and is entirely my own fault.) So, I did a quick (mostly quick) girl, another one for the "emotions" online open auction on facebook.

"Blue" 5x7 inches, watercolor & acrylic.Will be up for auction on Monday on Facebook at The Rabbit Hole Artist Collective

I was going with just black hair, but then it simply wasn't enough. So, I amped it up with blue and aqua highlights in iridescent paint, and it still wasn't enough. Finally I added the tattoos, and I liked it much better. One thing I really don't like about watercolors is that the skin features really wash out in a photograph. In person, it's a lot smoother and more even. The camera often picks up areas the eye simply doesn't see in reality and misses others. It's been very frustrating. At least it doesn't do that with acrylics and oils!

I haven't made much progress on my restructuring because we're still flailing about in the wind over whether we're moving or not. We've said yes to the offer, and yet it's been six weeks without any solid movement. I'm completely paralyzed personally and professionally, and that's been very difficult to work with. There has been some hope that we'll hear something on Monday, so I'm crossing my fingers. I can't exist in this stasis any longer.

I'm going to be focusing on my Queen, and trying to think about what my options are if I continue to be stuck. Making my current painting my priority will help, I hope!

Risky

Last night, my husband (in the interest of "helping out") decided to bypass all the recent tubs of leftovers in the refrigerator from this week, and eat from a container way in the back. The three-week-old container of leftover pot roast. Why was it in there? Because I want to throw it out on trash-day, since we're on a septic system, rather than have it rot in the garage garbage bin.

My husband - the rocket scientist - felt that if it was in the fridge, it must be fine. Never mind that it was so long ago that he didn't even remember me cooking the roast to begin with.

I didn't find out until it was too late. Now, I'm on gastric-deathwatch 2014. He drank beer and contemplated whiskey to "counteract" any ill effects, all while trying to blame me (as if.) In his words, "it didn't really smell and nothing was green," so he's pretty sure it was fine.

Oh, for the love of all the pink-toed cross-eyed bullfrogs! Are you kidding me?!!!

Did I mention today is his birthday?

So far, he seems fine. I read an article that in some cases food poisoning can show up two weeks later. Hopefully, if he made it through the night, it's fine. 

Aaaaaanyway...

I finished this piece for the open online auction in two weeks on the Rabbit Hole Artist Collective:

"You Reap What You Sow" 9x12 inches, watercolor & acrylic on 140lbs hot-pressed watercolor paper 

The prompt was "emotions" and I was feeling down, so I went with melancholy... and then  she got more and more resentful looking. Now, when I look at her, I see a more of "Just you wait, I'm going to get even" sort of look in her eyes. So, I think the emotion I ended up with is resentment! I think being a bit frustrated in real life is leaking through.

More evidence of that is this little piece I completed yesterday for the upcoming issue of Thrice Fiction Magazine:

"In The Dark" 4x4 inches, watercolor & acrylic on 140lbs hot-pressed watercolor paper

I keep the surreal and abstract works on my other page for just that purpose, but it doesn't have a lot of movement until an issue is upcoming and I get assignments. It's interesting because I was talking about these pieces with someone and I realize that I am a slow painter when it comes to my fairy tale work, but a fast one when it comes to the surreal and abstract. I wonder if that means something? 

I still love my fairy tales though! 

Back To My Roots

As I did last month, I am participating in an online auction on Facebook and this month's prompt was "Mad Queen". Of course, being that I am working on my Queen of Hearts, that seems to slide right into that nicely, but that isn't actually the case. My Queen of Hearts is for my Alice series, and it's also a large canvas (meaning it's going to take a while.) Instead, I had several ideas, and I thought to play them out in watercolor.

I had her all sketched out (after I added in some mushrooms to balance out the composition), and I decided to mask her (good decision) and then used my old bottle of masking instead of my new one (really bad decision.) I ended up with a background just the way I wanted, with a nice red glow around my queen:

Unfortunately, it stripped my paper. If you haven't done watercolor on professional paper before, there is a sort of surface that helps the paint glide along. If you "scrub" you can ruin this and get a rough surface that basically turns your paper into a sponge in all the wrong places. Well, my old masking did that to every surface it was on.

*head*desk*

The thing was, even though it had stripped that thin surface, the paper itself was still fine. It didn't rip, or even thin out the paper. No, I just ruined my surface. But I didn't want to start over, because I liked where I was going with this. That's when I decided to work it like an acrylic painting instead of a watercolor (watercolor is like painting in reverse of acrylic.) I wasn't sure what I thought when I had the features down:

I was thinking... maybe.

Then I started laying in more, and put in iridescent paint highlights as I worked (I know, you're all shocked), which are lit up in the next photo, but it doesn't look like that all the time, and I added a snake after someone suggested it:

Then the question became all about the dress, as all women know. What color? I went for black, after all this was supposed to be a bit twisted, sad, and sinister... a bit mad.

Of course, as any girl knows you need to coordinate, and it turned out that much of any color on the mushrooms gave the whole composition the wrong feel. I knew red was too cheerful, so I tried green tops, and realized it was all wrong, and finally settled on black for that too:

Finally, I was in the last push and I finished her:

"Cracked" 9x12 inches, Acrylic (and watercolor) on 140lbs hot-pressed 100% cotton paper

I debated calling her cursed, because she kind of is, and went with Cracked instead. Her crown (which is golden and lights up) is a nest with a cracked egg in it. It seems fitting that my "mad queen" would then be "Cracked". She's a bit twisted, and wrong... which is exactly how I wanted her! I ended up loving her, and to think I almost tossed her instead!

The most interesting thing about this piece is that it's a sort of hybrid of my more traditional abstract style with my fairy tale style. I almost feel like this sort of hybrid painting is the missing link between the two. This is important because I have had to split my business with the two styles so I can continue to do both, but I'm wondering if the hybrid isn't more intriguing than either on their own.

Anyway, it's an avenue for me to explore. Something that satisfied both sides is a rare thing for me, and not something I'm willing to let go of. I've been absolutely flooded with ideas. More paintings I want to do, along this line but not. I've always been obsessed with the stars and the moon, but also the ocean. So, I imagine I'm coming into another theme I must follow, all the while working to finish my Alice series and exploring more fairytales as well.

I feel like I'm on a new adventure!

Weekender

I'm really tired this weekend, although I'm not sure why. My plans were to sleep in today, because it's Saturday! If ever there was a day to sleep in, Saturday is it! Unfortunately, my husband has not mastered the task of muting his cellphone on the weekends. Worse, whenever he receives an email it "beams in" with the sound from Star Trek. So, something beamed in around 6 AM. I seriously considered tossing his phone out the window, but I didn't. Aren't I nice? *wink*

I finished my last piece for Thrice Magazine:

"Rachis" 9x12 Acrylic on Stretched Canvas

I really like this one, and how it turned out. Again, it's my take (and twist) for a story (by someone else) in the upcoming issue. However, I like this as a standalone piece as well. I don't want to illustrate a story, I like to express a feeling - so I like this painting without any background included as well, which is good!

Now, I'm staring at the calendar and worried about my deadlines. I can't believe we're this far into March already! I have a lot of goals this month, but I missed two deadlines this week - entirely my own fault and glitches in personality (I procrastinated.)

So, I'm hoping for a rush of productivity that puts me back on course! I wish there were a magical spell for that or something...

Oh, Hello!

I missed video Monday, I know. Stuff was a'happenin'! Life sometimes gets in the way, or all over the place. One of those, or both. I'll have a video this coming Monday, and we'll just pretend this last one didn't happen!

I've been busy working on several projects, as well as playing with my Zazzle store (where I made a new banner and desperately tried to organize it... which isn't going well. I'll figure it out eventually), and more. Businessy type stuff. I did paint a few things though:

"Teremaire" 4x6" watercolor on paper.

I finished this little hatchling last night as the second in my 6-dragon-hatchling series. I really like him, and he's iridescent too (gold) and is so shiny in the right light!

I thought I had several Fabriano blocks, but I didn't. So, when the new blocks showed up, I decided to just outright play and see if the flow was any different (it's not, really - but the shedding is less, which I do like and the hot-pressed is smoother than the other hot-pressed):

"Blink" 5x7 watercolor on paper

And then I've been working on stuff for Thrice Magazine. I've finished two and I'm in the middle of a bigger one right now, but I'm almost done. But, here's one of the finished pieces:

"Juice" 5x5 acrylic on canvas panel.

Once I finish the bigger one for Thrice, then I'll be off and running with a couple other projects. I think I've decided to go with a girl (maybe a fairy, maybe just a girl) meeting a little dragon, but instead of using watercolors, I was thinking of switching it to canvas for this one. Hmmm. Not sure yet, but I want to get it done quickly, so either way will be a lot of work because it's going to be much bigger (16x20, if on canvas - or 12x16 on paper.) I also have Cheshire Cat plans, and I was uncertain whether to start him or this. My schedule is all messed up for this month, and I'm desperately trying to get it back on track!